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How do come to terms with my dad's cancer

MissRudiBlue
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I'm 31 years old and a month ago a few days before my birthday we learnt that dad has stage 4 liver cancer. I got engaged last year and I'm supposed to be planning my wedding for next May. I'm struggling to manage my emotions and feelings and find myself shutting people out and avoiding anything  to do with my wedding. I'm so devastated that my dad is ill and we have been told that there's a chance he won't be there for my wedding. I don't know how to continue planning my wedding when there's a chance he won't be there.

I thought that adulthood would make me more able to cope with something like this but I'm struggling. Every time someone asks me about dad I use a stock answer and try to divert the conversation as quickly as possible.

How have other people managed there emotions and feelings and coming to terms with something like this? Why am I finding it so hard to deal with this?

All comments and thoughts are appreciated 

Ruth x

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    Hi Ruth

    Firstly im so sorry to hear about your dad.

    I can empathise with everything you've said, so please be reassured that all the emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal. Its still relatively new for you to come to terms with everything. 

    I don't have any amazing advice I'm afraid. I just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone. I'm going through a similar thing as you are - my mum has metastatic bladder cancer - and I also feel like it's hard to carry on with normal life.

    The one thing I would say is talk about it on here, to friends, to family, to whoever will listen - it really does help. I've also explained to my friends why I've become a hermit at the moment and they're all very understanding.

    With regards to the wedding if it's not possible to bring it forward perhaps you can organise a celebration or something earlier so that your dad can look forward to it and be part of that day? Just an idea. 

    Sending positive thoughts. take care 

    Mandy 

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    Hi there ... like Ruth I can't give you answers but just my own thoughts ... I lost my mum to heart attach and was so quick with no time to hold her hand or say "I love you" even though I know she knew that ... I had to watch my gentle, coragious, funny, magic dad go slowly with emphysema of the lung ... and both were hard but seeing someone you love slowly loosing their battle is the hardest ... 

    i tryed to not think of him going , that he'd always be there ... but after he was gone , I realised I'd never be able to tell him just how proud I was of him ... and what an amazing dad he was ... some 27 years later I still regret I could have sat there with him and told him that .. and tell him "I'm scared" as I'm sure he was too ... if only we could turn back time ... 

    so all I can tell you is don't waste a moment thinking of him going , just make every moment count ... and no mater what , I believe he'll see you go down the isle ... either from your side or from up there ... and remember he'll more then likely say ""that's my girl". And you could always carry something of his on the day ... they don't leave us , they just wait in another room .... bless ya ... big hug from one daughter to another who love their daddy's so much Xx

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