Hi Sarahmcc,

Welcome to Cancer Chat, although I’m sorry that you find yourself here. If you use the search engine on the blue band at the top of this page and enter the key words, you should get a lot of previous posts which have discussed this topic. Is your Mum living with you or is she in her own home?

There are many ways that you can help her. They all sound very mundane, but they will make a big difference to your Mum. She will probably feel very tired and her joints will possibly be aching. She may also feel nauseous. You can help out with day-to-day housework (especially where bending or lifting is involved), washing, ironing, preparing tasty, appetising meals (chemo leaves a metallic taste in the mouth so all food tastes odd). She won’t want to cook when she is feeling nauseous and doesn’t want to eat. Are there any places she would like to go to or people she might like to see?

She may find holding a book, too heavy for her, in which case you can read to her. Make sure that her medication is controlling her pain properly, you can liaise with the nurses for this. Just be there for her. Does she like music? Perhaps you could download some for her. The main thing to do is to make memories

I have been in your situation with my own Mum. Sadly, she is no longer with us. She had breast cancer for 12 years. In her final year she was diagnosed with metastases in her lungs, liver, brain and bones and she deteriorated very quickly after that. I feel for you. This is not an easy stage of the cancer journey. Somehow or other you do find the strength to cope.

I hope that chemo reduces the size of her tumour and that she doesn’t have too many side-effects from it.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things go. We are always here for you whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

My mum has secondary bladder cancer which is now in her lungs so I completely understand your situation. I also found focusing on the practical things I could do for her a way of helping me through it all. 

Some things I can think of for chemo is: lip balm, cosy socks and maybe even a blanket or cushion to take to the sessions and make it feel less clinical. Also you'll find your mum will find her own little likes and dislikes. Chemo dulls the taste buds so my mum has started having pickled onion monster munch during the session & it's just something that lightens the mood and breaks up the session etc. Mints or boiled sweets are good. Magazines that you can chat about. 

Sorry probably all a bit random but just things that came to mind. Wishing you all the best! 

Mandy x