Hi Bilinda,

Welcome to Cancer Chat.

I am sorry to hear about your Dad's instructions to his doctors. He is probably doing this to try and protect the family from further worry. Unfortunately, cancer doesn't work like this. The less the family know, the more panicky they become. Can you talk to him and let him know how much being excluded upsets you?

I lost my Mum to metastases from breast cancer. She survived for 12 years from diagnosis and was only told in her final year that there were metastases in her liver, lungs, brain and bones. At this stage, there was no further treatment given and she deteriorated very quickly. It was the most harrowing time of my life just watching a loved one slowly slip away.

If your Dad has given instructions to his doctors, they cannot tell you anything, as they would be in breach of the Data Protection Legislation. Your Dad would have to give instructions to revoke his previous request. Do you attend his appointments with him, or will he let you? This gives you the opportunity to hear first-hand what the consultant has to say.

Cancer treatment calls on several different specialisms. Unbeknown to us, your Dad's care team will meet for regular MDT (multdisciplinary team meetings) meetings. This is where all the staff concerned with his case will discuss the optimum treatment. I am sure that the oncologist and neurologist will be working closely together to work out his best treatment plan. This is probably why you are getting no answers from his doctors. They cannot tell you much until all of his results are back.

I hope that the scan tomorrow goes well.

Please keep us in the loop. There is always someone here for you whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx