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Bev63
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My brother in law  was diagnosed with stomach cancer last year the Drs told him that he couldn't be operated on but they would give him chemotherapy,my sister is in total denial about all this,the Drs have spoken to her about my brother in laws outcome she won't speak to us about it.

my brother in law is very ill in hospital receiving palliative care we don't know how long he's going to be with us one day we go to the hospital and he's sat up drinking a cup of tea,then the next day when we visit he just sleeps through the whole time we are there. My sister is a very independent person and won't except our help (even just to take her for a coffee) if we ask her how he is she just says "I don't want to talk about it " when I went to the hospital today my brother in laws legs and feet were very swollen and he was having a blood transfusion...please can someone tell me what stage he is at (we think my sister has been told weeks)

i know it's my sisters choice not to tell us but we want to be there for her and look after her 

thank you 

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    Hi Bev,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat.

    I am sorry to hear about your Brother-in-law's diagnosis and your sister's reaction to it. It is so difficult when someone takes a stance like this. She won't realize the additional anxiety and stress that this is causing.

    The sad thing is that none of us can say what stage his cancer is at. He would have been told this when he got the results of all his pre-cancer tests.The results of these show the stage, but this is the only way to be sure where he is in his cancer journey..

    Does your sister have any other family that she can confide in and maybe share this burden with? It is indeed a huge burden if she doesn't.

    I nursed my Mum with end stage cancer and I have now had breast cancer for 7 years. I developed a second primary 6 years ago. In my experience, it is so much easier for all when you can talk openly between yourselves. I do hope that you can eventually persuade her to take your help.

    Please keep us in the loop. Remember that we are always here for you whenever you feel like talking.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thank you for replying 

    from the time of my brother-in-laws diagnosis (June 2016) until now we know nothing  obviously my sister as been told but she will not mention anything to us,we are a very close family and we are quite shocked that my sister won't open up to us.

    We know how hard it's going to be when the time comes and we want to be there for her (we lost our dad to cancer) I've been to the hospital today and he's sat up in bed chatting away...yesterday I went there and you would think that THIS IS IT..!!

    so so confused 

    Best wishes xxx

  • Offline in reply to Bev63

     

    Hi Bev,

    It may be that your Brother-in-law is so tired because of the medication he is taking.

    For the first 6 years after diagnosis, I was totally exhausted and could sleep anywhere. My hubby thought that the best thing he could do for me was to take me out to the theatre or the cinema, which would prevent me from surfing the Internet - I even slept through these performances and was constantly being dunted to keep me awake.

    To this day, I have no memory of any of these performances. I also fell asleep in the car, on aeroplanes, and trains. I have reduced a lot of my medications, which cause fatigue.  I still tire easily, but thankfully, I am a lot better than I was.

    I do hope that your sister eventually realises that she needs your support.

    Thinking of you and wishing you well.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

     

     

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