Husband has terminal cancer

Hi, my partner ( now my husband as we got married 2 weeks ago) was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive bladder cancer in Dec 16. He had his bladder removed in Jan 17 and 6 weeks later we were told the cancer hadn't spread any further. We were over the moon until 2 weeks later he had back ache so we went back to the hospital and they said he had a urine infection, the pain was getting worse so they did a MRI and we were told the cancer had spread to his bones. This was devastating and not the news we wanted to hear. The hospital immediately referred him to the Royal Marsden where they gave him a huge dose of radiotherapy to his lower back and then he had 6 cycles of chemo. After the chemo they rescanned him and one of the tumours hadn't shrunk so they started him on immunotherapy Therapy. He was just about to have his 3rd immunotherapy when he was saying he had blurred vision so they scanned hm and noticed the cancer has spread to his skull. They have given him more radiotherapy and said there is nothing more they can do. They have sent him home to die. He is only 43. We don't know how long he has and I just don't know what else I can do. Like the rest of you I am strong around him but completely break down when I hang the washing up or go out to get a pint of milk. I just want some advice or a hug. Thank you for listening.

  • Bless your heart ️ all can can do is send you one thing you wanted ... a mahusive hug ...  sometimes crying together can be good ... we try to be too strong and your wonderful hubby may need a cry too .. go through all your feelings to gether and saying things now while you have the time ... 

    i believe when we love someone so much they stay in our hearts and no one can take that away .. there's so many on here who  will hold your hand on this difficult time ... it's good to be able to get things off your chest and share .... hugs hugs and more hugs xx Chrisie

  • That's so sad. My husband (we got married 16th august) is on palliative chemo and being strong for our two boys is the only thing we can do x
  • Following on from this, my husband passed away on 23/9/17. He had two wishes before he passed away , one was to get married which we did on 18/8/17 and the other was to see my birthday on 24/9 which sadly he didn’t make as he passed away the day before. I’m completely lost without him and finding everyday a struggle. I’m not sleeping and snap at people and then apologise to them!!! Is it to early for counselling? 

  • Oh hunny ... bless ya heart ... or sounds like your in the raw stage where it feels a really dark place ... and probably nothing any one can say will stop that pain ... there’s no right or wrong time for counselling.. some have it befor they loose a loved one, some need it straight away... others wait a while ... some not at all ... but if you feel it may help then reach out and grab all the help your offered... I’m sure the helpline on here and McMillan can be there if you feel the need to talk to someone ... so glad you both got your special day ... sending you a big big hug ... Chrisie xx ️

  • Hi,

    I'm so sorry to read about your devastating news. I realise from experience that knowing that someone is about to die doesn't make it any easier to cope with, just the opposite as there are so many "if only" thoughts crowding your mind.

    I wish I could offer you some sound advice, but all I can really do is empathise and say that you are not alone. Many of us on here share similar experiences and someone might be able to tell you how they coped with a similar loss.

     

    Best wishes

    Dave