Hi Lisah,

Welcome to Cancer Chat, although I'm sure that you would rather be anywhere else but here.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's health issues at only 59. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago. She survived for 12 years, but developed metastases in liver, lungs, brain and bones in her last year. It was a very tough time for us all. I know what you mean by wanting answers, but not wanting them. We found that it was easier for us to know what lay ahead, but there are those who would rather not know.

The cancer life is not the pleasantest, as it consumes almost every day of your life. It also affects family as well as the person with the disease. It is only natural that you are scared of losing him - I'm sure that he is possibly frightened of dying and leaving you behind too?

Instead of dwelling on the end, as many people do, or how you'll find the strength to see this out, try to make memories while he is still here by your side and able to get out and about. It is a good idea to draw up some questions for his consultant for each appointment. If you both do this together, you shouldn't forget anything important. My husband comes along with me to every appointment with a duplicate list of all our questions and he writes down the answers while I am talking to the consultant - this way we don't forget the answers either.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 years ago and had a second bout of primary breast cancer a year later.Treatment has caused arthritis to flare up in all of my joints and Lymphoedema in both hands and arms. This doesn't help me  in getting about either. My husband and I still have a reasonable quality of life, nothing like it was before I agree, but we are determined that we will live life to the full.

I sincerely hope that the immuno therapy works well for him. You are both in my thoughts and in my prayers.

Please keep in touch. There is always someone here whenever either of you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi,

I really empathise with you as my husband has recently been diagnosed with the same thing, it has taken over our lives and we have had to come to terms with so much in such a short space of time. We have a house abroad and were looking forward to exploring and travelling more (one of our joint passions)....this has all been put on hold and to be honest it does feel terribly cruel. 

Now we are taking one day at a time, he starts his second cycle of chemo next week and we have already learned to make the mosty of the 'good days'. Be strong for each other, make sure you get support from your family & friends too (its vital) and some rest time for yourself. I find walking in the fresh air helps my head clear a bit. :)

Wishing you and your husband all the best on this journey xx

Hello everything you've written here is exactly how feel imy husband is61 and was diagnosed with kidney and lung cancer in February an enormous shock when they told us it was a hernia. We were just starting to think about his retirement have recently bought our little bungalow and are soon to celebrate our ruby wedding in 3 years. Our lives have been changed completely but we're trying to be as normal as possible but that's so hard on his bad days. We're going on holiday for a week on Friday which I think will be difficult at times but it's something we need to do. His strength amazes me he still manages a couple of hours at work during the week he's a very special man. He's been on the chemo tablet sutent since his diagnosis so we're praying it helps. Thinking of you and if ever you want to chat please contact me x

Hi Lisa I am glad you are reading the posts.  The thing is we are living it and tell it as it is.  My hubby has the same as yours and is 71.  We take it a day at a time, I do a daily updates so I can look back and see how far we have come.  Keep us up to date and Stay Strong.  Caz

Hi all

Thank you for taking to time to reply and apologies for the delay in replying.

I'm so sorry and sad that we are all on this page taking about our experiences and loved ones, but at the sametime it's comforting to know other people understand just how we feel and how our lives have changed, wouldn't wish this on anyone but until you are on this awful journey you never really understand it's impact.

My Husband hasn't been able to move onto Immunotherapy yet, he developed further inflammation in the lung so more Chemo required, this time a stronger one where he will lose his hair so he's already shaved that. That was a struggle to deal with that he wanted to do that, but at the same time understand him wanting to and he actually looks good. This Chemo is knocking him for six, he had first session last Monday, on Wednesday he went ot bed at 8pm and didn't get up until Friday morning, today I think will be another day in bed.

We are definitely making the most of the good days, before he started this course of Chemo we took the time to have a family holiday in Turkey and then he went with some friends to Portugal for a few days, I took the opportunity to go away with some girlfriends at the same time and seeing how this is making him feel I know we will not waste the days when his not in bed.

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers and for being there.

Lisa xx

Hi Lisa,

I am sorry to hear that your hubby needs more chemo. What a pity that this stronger form is knocking him for six. How many more chemo do they plan for him? I understand that the tiredness is a common side-effect to chemo. It is difficult to understand just what the tiredness is like. I suffered with this from diagnosis and still do, but to a lesser extent. I could literally fall asleep mid-conversation.

I am glad to hear that you managed your family holiday and individual breaks earlier in the year and also to learn that you are making the most of his better days.

Thinking of you and hoping that all goes well with this bout of chemo.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

He has just finished he's 2nd course in this cycle and just had a routine scan which we get the results of next week and then we will find out the plan moving forward. He's having Docetaxel every 3 weeks (IV) and then Vargatef every day (tablet form), they do knock him about a bit, although he's hair has grown back!!  Just lately he has been complaning of headaches and sometimes has slurry speech, I have read that the headaches can be a side effect of Docetaxel and slurry speech an effect of the chemo, but we will talk to the consultant about these things next week.

This journey takes so many different turns, he can be having a great day and then the next two see him floored. It's at times very scary and you're always trying to second guess what could suddenly bring on the change and of course always hoping it's not a sign that things are getting worse.

We say that it's strange that when we are in London for treatment (we are always there for at least 2 days) he feels good, we walk quite a bit and always aim to go to a nice restaurant, but once back at home he's quite different. I worry that we don't get out enough when at home, but he says he's happy chilling at home. I also wonder whether going to the office more would help him, before diagnosis he loved work, he runs an interior design company,  he does do some work from home but rarely goes to the office these days. Like you say it's difficult to understand the tiredness, not sure he even understands it himself.

Sorry for waffling on and thank you for thinking of us.

Lisa xxx

Dear [@pure2000]‍ , You poor thing, you don't realise it but you are not punishing him your punishing yourself,. Yes he smoked his cigars but can you hand on heart know they are responsible for his cancer? Your anger is part of the grieving process, this will pass and is perfectly normal. You are hurting yourself, your blaming him because you can't deal with the shock, and all the changes, the exclusive club you have joined that no one wants to join.your scared anxious and your having to grieve for a life that you won't have but dreamed off. Don't be so hard on yourself, or him, it's done and what's done can not be undone. Your fighting a loosing battle. Acceptance will come but it will take time. You won't go down with him. You will find your real self. And she is strong wise and will go on.

i have just been diagnosed at 57 and I'm running the gauntlet of emotions your not alone, my husband feels exactly as you do. One minute he hates me then he wants to run from me.  I can't change things it is what it is.  It hurts and makes me lonely, but not sorry for myself, this is my path, it's desperately sad that he feels like you but I do understand.  I feel for him and I love him, I wish I hadn't smoked but I did I must now face the consequences.  It is what it is.