My husband (56) was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer after an emergency operation to remove a blockage in May 2017. He is coping brilliantly with the mental aspect, as well as the stoma he was left with after the surgery. The cancer has spread into his lymphatic system and his chances of being cancer free after 5 years, even with intensive chemo are only 15%.

The first course of chemo, infusion and tablets, left him violently sick, dehydrated, malnourished and exhausted. He was hospitalised once for rehydration but refused to go back, despite his worsening condition. He has since been reprimanded by the oncology team and his stoma nurse. He would not llisten to me when I insisted he went back to hospital.

His second course of chemo is a reduced dose and he is tolerating this very well although he is exhausted by lack of sleep.

I am his sole carer and we have no living relatives or children. I am currently trying to renovate and sell my late parents unoccupied home which is many miles away. Every spare moment is, at his insistence, spent preparing this for sale.

Additionally a few years ago we started to work together in a small company (just the two of us and an overseas based owner), again located many miles from home (I have a two hour journey each way). This was the worst decision of my life. I have never liked the job, but we managed well between us, splitting the duties according to our individual strengths. 

I am now left to run the business on my own, much of which is well out of my comfort zone or beyond my abilities. I have little or no support from the owner, although he is still willing to pay us, despite erratic work patterns, and long term absence by my husband.

I can not sleep, I wake in the early hours and start to worry about the travel and the day ahead. My own home is neglected due to lack of time, and I have not sat down or watched any TV since May.

All I want to do is spend quality time with my husband, and financially we are in the lucky position to be able to manage - at least in the short term. The only good day during his first cycle was spent with his friends, whilst I cleaned my parents house. It was my birthday!

Any expression of distress, tiredness, sadness or frustration on my part is met by an argument. He takes it as a personal insult that I can't cope so I keep trying but have now reached breaking point. I only have a 'wobble' occassionally (4 times since his diagnosis).

Just writing this makes me feel like I have nothing to complain about, after all I am fit and well, but emotionally he is the strong one.

Does anyone have any advice as to how I can make him see the effect this is having on me (again I now feel selfish). Our friends all understand, but he just thinks I am weak.

Thank you.