Dear Naomi,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I am sorry to hear about your father’s diagnosis. He sounds like a very special person. There is no easy answer in respect of what can be done to help and support someone with cancer. There are so many different factors that influence what is best for any individual. A lot depends upon what type of cancer, what stage the cancer is at, what other co-morbidities are present, the age and general health of the cancer patient. It will also depend on whether the patient is in a hospital, hospice or is still living at home.

It is usually much easier to help someone who has a positive attitude to their diagnosis and prognosis. Sadly, cancer affects the whole family and not just the patient. I first started to care for my Mum who initially presented with breast cancer. She survived this for 11 years, but developed metastases in brain, breast, bone, liver and lungs in the final year. This was several years ago and I now have first-hand experience, as I have had two bouts of primary breast cancer myself.

My mother lived a long distance away from me, so my visits to her involved a plane journey every week to see her. This didn’t leave me with any spare time or energy to do much else as I had two young children at the time, and a hubby who had to give up his work due to ill health. I have supported Cancer Research by selling raffle tickets, by  annual donations and by doing some of their sponsored walks but that was all I could do whilst I was nursing Mum.

For the first 6 years of my own cancer journey I was too ill to be able to do any more than fight with all my power to stay alive. In the past year I have enjoyed better health and I have been raising awareness of Cancer and Lymphoedema in many different ways.

As I said above, support for loved ones is an individual thing, based on the factors mentioned above and others too many to mention. Many relatives and friends claim that they feel frustrated because they can find so little they can do to help their loved ones. This doesn’t need to be the case. There are many small things that can be done and they make such a difference.  The main thing is to keep the patient as comfortable as possible. Some patients like to talk about their prognosis, whilst others seem to be in self-denial. Help in preparing nutritious meals, general housework, ironing, gardening, collecting prescriptions and dispensing medication are all valuable contributions..

Ask the patient if there is anywhere they’d like to visit or people they’d like to see. Some people like to put all their finances in order, funeral plans in place, etc. What are the patient’s interests or hobbies? Help with washing hair and cutting finger and toe nails is always appreciated. Does the patient like music? If they do they might appreciate a DVD player to listen to it on. A supply of reading material is often welcomed too. I think that by now you’ve got the gist of some pretty basic requirements which tend to get overlooked.

I hope that this is of some help to you and I hope that your father continues to keep well.

Please keep in touch and let us know how he is doing. There is always someone here whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx