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My mum has breast cancer & not coping

sparkle-01
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Hello everyone,

I dont know how to start this. My mother has breast cancer. She had a matsecomy and reconstruction, which went very well and she has been remarkable since the operation. Now is the time for the treatment and she doesn't seem to be coping.

I think she thought that having the operation would mean the cancer would go away and blanked having the treatment out of her mind. But now is the time to be having the treatment next week and she seems to be angry, upset, falling out with me and i just do not know how to cope.

My mum is a stubborn woman and we have always clashed. I know when to stay away and say nothing, but she took something i said completely wrong and hasn't spoken to me for 3 weeks nearly. I am beside myself with upset, worry and scared.

 

In the beginning and when she had her operation, i was there for her & my dad. I moved home to help out as much a i could and cook, clean etc. Things we all have done for our loved ones. Now i feel lost and not sure what to do.

 

It doesn't help that I am getting married in 3 weeks time and so so worried as to how she will be on the day. We are getting married abroad, so that doesn't help her but the wedding was planned a year before she got diagnosed. My mum wanted us to carry it on but it seems that it's causing so much stress for her and the family. I wish i did cancel it but it's too late now.

 

Has anyone been through similar or going through similar now that can advise what i can do?

 

I am going to try and make amends again. Hopefully my mum has given in to her stubborness and talks to me.

 

Is there a support number for families for support?

 

Thanks

 

 

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    I would speak to McMillan nurses if you are in the uk,I felt the same,felt fab. After operation to remove lump and then the long journey after treatment began,and I became very depressed,brought it all back to me that I had cancer,but there is light at end of the tunnel,it,s just a journey that we have to take to get better ,much love x

  • Offline in reply to jipster

    Thank you. I will contact them this weekend if they are open.

    It's so hard not knowing what the future holds.

    Can i ask how you felt after your first session of Chemo please? When i get married, It will be exactly 2 weeks after her first session of chemo. I am just worried it will be alot for my mum to cope with, travelling abroad and the big day (getting ready, church, pictures, hotel, reception). I just want to prepare myself to tell her to rest when she can. If that makes sense?

     

    I would be so grateful for your advice.

     

    How are you now? Better i hope

    Thank you

     

    xxx

     

  • Offline
    Your mum is not angry with you , it's the cancer she is angry with , all you need to do is be there for her, show her you love her , best of luck x
  • Offline

    Your mum needs you more then ever now so just be there for her..my mum got took Ill a week before my wedding which was this March.. I had so many emotions and was going to cancel as wanted my mum there.. Have your wedding as this is your day..make your mum a big part off it even if she's not there,maybe have a friend recording it life so your mum can watch, have photos of your mum there..I really feel for you as we only found out Wednesday that my mum has lung cancer and it's in her lymph nodes and I'm really not coping, we don't find out till Thursday how bad it is.. Always here  if you need a chat Xx

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    Hello

    You need to try to be strong and take care of you and your mum.

    She has very mixed emotions at the moment.The not knowing what the future holds can make one feel so confused,angry,sad,depressed and empty.You need to remain positive and just be there to offer support when mum needs it,that may just be a hug now and then to let her know you are there for her.Take advantage of the breast care nurses, they can offer so much advice and will also be able to put you in touch with other services to help you and your family.

    I have just had surgery for breast cancer.I was lucky,so far i have not needed any treatment.I had a mastectomy in March this year and my other breast removed three weeks ago. I had implant reconstruction at the same time.

    I still get upset sometimes and have my quiet times but i try to stay positive. Right now i am trying to accept a new body too! 

    Try not to be hard on yourself, mum knows you love her .Sometimes she will need her own space to have a cry and no one fussing.

    Perhaps send her a card, or leave a note to say you are there whenever she needs you.

    I hope this helps but most of all talk if you need to and remain positive.

    Mum will fight this with all she has as i did and will continue to do so xxx

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