Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your fathers recent cancer diagnosis. I can't imagine what it must be like for you but can relate to some degree. My wife was diagnosed last year October with Head and Neck Cancer, we're both in our 40's. The surgeons told us the cancer was fairly aggressive and my wife would need radical surgery. This involved whole neck dissection to remove the whole tongue and replace it with muscle from the arm, all her bottom teeth were removed. Lymph Nodes on the left side and under her neck were removed and cancerous. After a 13 hour op she was told that she will need extreme radiotherapy and chemo, 30 sessions of radio followed by 6 chemo. As a result of the radio she suffered extensive burning inside her mouth, all around and back of her neck, this was similar to 3rd degree burns. This is also led to discharge of thick mucuos and up to now she is stil has releases of mucus. She lost the ability to speak, she is fed by a PEG and cannot swallow or drink even water. Anway March this year which was 2 months after the radio finished my wife had a lot of pain, we were told this was the surgery and radio al healing. Anyway in June after carrying a CT scan it was detected that the cancer has returned. So what are the options. The first option was to do nothing at all and she will survive maybe 4 or 5 months. Option 2 we can give a cocktail of chemo drugs, which may extend her life by a few months or option 3 she can have immunotherapy on a clinical trial, which we have decided to go for. However, last week she started breathing heavily, she was admitted back to hospital for emergency surgery and now has a trachea fitted to help her to breath. The unfortunate thing is she has a lot of family around her but they come once a week if that to visit her, this is her mom and dad and a sister who comes once every few months. This has meant day to day care has to be done by myself whilst looking after a 13 year old, who is obviously distraught seeing his mom this ill. This has been life changing for my wife he worked as a teacher and she was saying to me only the other day I probably wil die without ever being able to eat, drink or talk. It is heart breaking to see my wife and the cancer is spreading inside her mouth and now all over her lips with tumours appearing, the immunotherapy which starts in August is her only hope that if she does not deteriorate further. Cancer is cruel and no one is immune, my wife never smoked, drank or anything else, if she is around a few more months it will be extremely lucky, my sons keeps on saying I can't wait for mom to get better so I can go out with her shopping.

Thair

Hi,

Sorry for your news about your dad. My mum had liver cancer which was secondary with no indication of the primary. She was diagnosed in April 2016 and sadly passed away only just one month ago. I am sure you know the situation and my advise would be to try and live in the moment for your Dad. I spent a lot of time trying to see into the future without my mum and it's hard to keep it together thinking this way. Living in the moment allowed me to atleast spend some good time with my mum and be there for her at the end. I won't lie your Dad's condition will probably escalate quickly at the end (everyone is different you cannot say for sure) so cherish every moment now. My mum came to Amsterdam where I live in February this year, went to a wedding May 30th and passed away June 20th so time is precious don't let it slip by without spending as much time as you can with your Dad.

My mum came to my cousins wedding and some events which was tough. If your Dad can't make the wedding I would just involve him as much as possible. Show him the dress your wearing, the venue, whats happening etc. That way if he sadly can't make it then atleast he has been a part of the wedding and you will remember that my Dad chose this or did that.

D x

Hi, 

I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad's cancer diagnosis and how it has also affected other family members too. 

I saw your post and had to reply because I can sympathise with your situation. My Dad was diagnosed 2 years ago with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver. He was diagnosed 6 months after my uncle died from cancer. Being 26 and engaged I did think about getting married but we just simply didn't have the funds to and I also didn't want to rush it and not enjoy my special day. I also thought my Dad would be around for at least a few more years so I wasn't in a mega rush and assumed we'd have time to save money. Fast forward two years I'm now 28 and my Dad's cancer has now travelled to the pineal gland in his brain and a mass has been found behind his left eye. We found out in April. He's rapidly deteoriated since April and is bed ridden. He's been given days to weeks left to live and has been in a hospice for 4 weeks now. If it hadn't of been for the cancer going to his brain my Dad would of probably had another couple of years left. Once the cancer goes to the brain patients do deteoriate rapidly and things do tend to progress quite quickly. My dad has gone from being a typical man's man to being in a child like state. He is extremely confused and doesn't process information properly. I can't advise you about getting married as such. But if you do have the funds and are willing to do things quickly then I would. But I would warn you that if it's anything like my Dad's then I'd be thinking of getting married within the next month or two if not then quicker. But your dad's may be a lot slower than my dad's and yours may be offered treatment for it unlike mine. I don't have the chance to get married now as it's simply too late, my Dad will never have the chance to walk me down the aisle. But I know he will be there in spirit when the time comes. If you want to talk more feel free to inbox me. 

Best wishes x 

Hi D, 

I'm really sorry to hear of your mothers passing but I'm glad you managed to live in the moment and enjoy your time with her. Memories are so precious. You're right, I keep thinking to the future at the moment and I need to stop doing that. The time we have is now, and that's so important.

A

Butterfly89, thank you so much for your response and sympathising. Im sorry to hear of your current situation. My dad also has a mass behind his left eye and we are waiting to find out when he will be having 5 sessions of radiotherapy there. The hospital waiting times has been disgraceful throughout. My dad wore an eyepatch throughout his 6 week treatment because of the pain and how it was affected by light yet they did no tests and dismissed it. 

I had a conversation with my boyfriend last night and we have decided to do a blessing at my dads church as a non legal ceremony. I'll wear a dress and he'll hopefully walk me down an aisle albeit maybe in his wheelchair. So next step is for his blessing to be asked by my boyfriend and I guess I'll be engaged soon! Which is actually exciting. We were ready as we have had a mortgage together for a year now, but waiting for my dad's health to improve. Obviously that wasn't meant to be. As you've said, we want to be able to enjoy and plan the proper wedding and I think my dad would want that too. And as you say, we'll have them with us once spirit cheering us on every step of the way x