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Caring for my mum advice please

Grace906
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Hello. I am looking for advice regarding caring for my mother if anyone could help me. I work 8-6 and live an hour and a half away, we have been told she has incurable lung cancer which has also spread to the brain. We are waiting for the biopsy results to give us a prognosis but I have so many things going through my head. I don't know whether to move down there, move in with her, leave my job or find a part time one ECT..  The problem is I don't know how much help she will need, I know chemo drains people but will she need full time help? If anyone has been through this and cared for someone I would really appreciate any advice on the practical side of things. I also don't know how often the hospital trips are ECT... I will do anything for her I would rather get sorted now than half way through her treatment

thankyou

grace

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    Hi Grace, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I know a person whose mother had lung cancer, and she ended up living with her mom 90% of the time. She did keep her apartment, as she did end up needing a little time away from her mom each week. It can get suffocating being around all the time, as it can be painful to watch what they are going through. However, she did live rather close to her mom. She also was not always able to take care of her mom, so she had some people who came to take care of her on a daily basis. I'm not sure if this would be the same situation as I'm from Canada, but she did find it hard to take care of her mom by herself. 

    I don't know the absolute specifics of the situation, but she did find it easier when there were people there helping her mom. I hope this helped somewhat, and sending my thoughts your way.

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent

    thank you for your reply. My dad is going to be a big help and the doctor said we can probably make it work between us. take care x

  • Offline in reply to Grace906

    When my mum had cervical cancer she had chemo once a week for three months. Due to side affects from it she lost the use of her legs so my dad and me had to do everything for her. It was tough for me because I was heavily pregnant and had three other children at home and then a new baby. But we got by,my dad did most of the caring and I helped by making meals etc. Sorry to hear about your mum. Don't be afraid to ask for help xx sadly my mum died when my baby was seven months old x

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    Hello Grace,

    I am so sorry to hear about your Mum and the predicament you find yourself in. My Mum initially had breast cancer and had a mastectomy. She had 12 years before she presented with secondary lesions in liver, lungs, brain and bones. At this stage she was in a lot of pain and medication didn’t really control this.

    She lasted for another year, but was a poor soul and deteriorated very quickly – it was heart breaking to watch. She was very tired and had no energy, so she needed help with housework and personal care. Things like washing her hair became very difficult for her. She went downhill very quickly in the last 3-4 weeks.

    It is almost impossible to predict exactly how long a patient has to live. You might be better to wait until she gets her biopsy results and you know what her prognosis is. I myself have had two bouts of breast cancer and was so exhausted before I started treatment, but became even worse when I went on to medications. It is 7 years since I was first diagnosed and I am only now beginning to stay awake for a reasonable length of time. My husband has been my rock and has taken over, cooking, ironing and cleaning and I am so grateful, because I just didn’t have the energy to do anything.

    Your Mum’s consultants are possibly in the best position to predict with some accuracy how long she has. You are also quite right in that chemo does make people feel sick, tired and finding food tasting different. I think that the hospital trips will vary depending on how her cancer progresses. I was in a similar position with my mum at the end. I was working in my own business, had two young children to care for and was a plane ride away from her. It was a very hard time and you’ll need to be strong for your Mum!

    I hope that she gets her results soon and that you can then start to make plans. Make a list of questions that you want answered and take this with you to her appointment. Keep in touch and let us know how things progress. We are always here if either of you want to talk.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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