Hi Erica,

It sounds as if you’ve had a rough few years. What a shock it must be to get your mum’s diagnosis so soon after your dad has died. You seem to be looking at a much bigger picture than you need to at present. Try to take things from day to day rather than looking at the enormity of the whole picture, as much of this is an unknown.

Are you the only family left or do you have other relatives nearby? I wouldn’t worry about having to look after your mum at home as she may well be hospitalised for some of her time. Travelling back and forth to hospital for visits does take it out of you, but it is doable.

I lost my mum to cancer several years ago now. I had a husband, two young children and a full time job then. Mum was living overseas, so I tried to get across to her most weekends. At the latter stages I stopped working for three weeks and was with her constantly. This was hard going both physically and financially.

When hit with a diagnosis like this, we tend to panic initially. Then we seem to get the strength to carry on. Whether this is actual strength or Adrenaline it’s hard to say, but whichever it seems to keep us going. There are some financial benefits to be had if you have to give up work to look after her. It’s not a fortune, but it’s a help. You should be able to get help through Macmillan at the hospital or through your local Citizens Advice Bureau. Don’t worry about crying. Most of us succumb to this at times. Let the tears flow as it is a great release valve. It will leave you ready to carry on again after you’ve had a good cry.

Now that you have found this forum you will find it very helpful. We are all here to support one another along our cancer journeys and we find it very helpful to have a medium in which to discuss things without further upsetting our families.

Try where you can to make some memories with your mum when she is well enough. Simple things like washing her hair or cutting her nails can make her feel better, even if only for a short while.

You have some heart breaking times ahead, but I’m sure that you probably already know that with your dad. Look after yourself as well as your mum, as you are no good to her if you are unwell.

I am sure that you will find reserves of strength to get you through this and, I hope and pray that the treatment she is given will allow things to slow down for a while.

Thinking of you both, and remember that we are always here to lend an ear.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx