How Long? Caring from the other side of the world

My 68 year old mother-in-law lives in the UK. Her son and I live in Australia with our children. She is battling cancer but will not discuss it. We have no idea how serious it is, if she is terminal or likely to recover. Travelling to and from Australia to the UK makes the whole thing more difficult. If she’s likely got quite a few years left in her, we’re looking at a move to the UK – for no other reason but to be with her until she dies, then we would move back to Australia. Uprooting our family to move to the UK is a huge commitment and I don’t want to put our family through it if our time there before she dies is knowingly going to be very short. 

Here is what we know. She was diagnosed with bowel cancer (unknown what stage) in 2012, had a portion of her bowel removed and two rounds of treatment. She has since had cancer in one lung (part lung removed) and liver (60% removed). She currently has masses in both lungs, one of which can’t be operated on because of the previous surgery. She also has cancer in her “back” (unsure of if this is spinal or not). We don’t know which cancers are as a result of the bowel cancer spreading or independent cancers or if she is responding to her latest treatment.

I know this question gets asked a lot and I know there aren’t definitive answers but I need any advice I can get. Based on the above, what’s her likely prognosis? is death imminent? Are we looking at 0-5 years, 5-10 years, is there much chance she’ll live to a ripe old age? We don’t have a doctor we can ask or anyone to help us understand what we’re really dealing with.

 

Thank you in advance for your guidance.

  •  

    Hi,

    I faced this problem when my mother was diagnosed, although fortunately I live a little closer than Australia. I am not a medic, merely another pilgrim on this cancer journey. For such a young lady it sounds as if your poor mother-in-law has been through the mill. Does she have any family nearby at present? If so, can you glean any further information from them?

    Have you tried to phone her GP or her consultant? The problem is that they are prevented from disclosing any details without your mother-in-law’s consent, due to Data Protection Laws now. It might be helpful for you to talk to one of the nurses on this site outlining your concerns. They are very helpful and could possibly give you a more accurate prognosis.

    No matter how good the medics are, it is impossible for them to say exactly when death will occur and this must make your decision of whether or not to come back to the UK more difficult. She has certainly had a lot of operations on some fairly major organs, so try not to leave it too long before you decide.

    I hope that you manage to make the right decision and remember that we are always here to offer support.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx