Hi all, I figured that I needed to express my emotions or feelings/thoughts etc. My beautiful grandmother was diagnosed with bladder cancer 7 years ago when she was 75, she is 82 with terminal cancer. She was in remission until her consultant spotted something in her kidneys and her lungs, but she had told us repeatedly that she is not in pain. Late 2016 two of her sisters ( one older and one younger ) had died suddenly which knocked her hard. She had been attending her 3 months checkup at the cancer centre at our hospital but in March, he had told my mum in private that she only had 1-3 months left, which shook everyone and the entire family. Only she doesn't know this, as I know for a fact that if she knew she wouldn't get up from bed.
My grandmother has been so strong for the past three months but recently, and sadly, she had been declining and fast. Unfortunately, her doctor has taken off her medication expect to relieve pain such as nausea and stomach aches. Before she was admitted to hospital for a blood transfusion, the doctor felt something large in her stomach which I suspect is the cancer spreading. She is only recently out of the hospital from a chest infection but has lost the ability to walk etc but she can still talk and communicate clearly. We have the correct equipment such as the hospital bed, wheelchair and commode etc, but it's extremely depressing to see her declining, to not know how she feels underneath, I'm sure she feels terrified not knowing what is going on. Our palliative care team Marie Curie has been coming in and helping gran on the bed which has been a great help, but we are still looking after her the best we can. I'm scared what is going to happen, and the scariest part is the fact we don't know when. When we look at photos only at Christmas, she looks 100x times better.
It's just so distressing to us and our family. We know it's going to happen, I can't bare to think about it. Times like when I am alone I think of the bad instead of the good. I'm only 18, and I'm looking after gran tonight to give my mum a break
