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Scared about my brother with bowel cancer

NooNooHead
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Hi everyone

 

I'll get straight to the point and say that I am so scared right now about my brother who has bowel cancer.

He's had it for about a year and has had two rounds of chemo and radiotherapy, and is now in a hospice after his last round of chemo last week.

My parents have been taking him to and from his hospital appointments etc for the past year, as he doesn't drive. He is 34 and has had a myriad of health issues, including bladder/kidney problems, hip problems, depression etc for a long time. His lifestyle has not been great either, and he smokes, doesn't have the best diet and has got a job to focus on or give him motivation.

After I spoke to my mum tonight, she said the doctors have said it could go either way. She said they don't really know whether the cancer will go or get worse, but it's just a case of wait and see. He has lost a lot of weight recently, and has always been pretty skinny and sickly-looking, but she said if I saw him then I would be very shocked.

He is sleeping a lot and doesn't want to see many people at this moment in time. I'm not sure whether this is because of the chemo, or if generally his body has started to shut down.

I am SO. SCARED. My parents have been doing everything they possibly can to help him and ensure he gets the best possible treatment, but the prognosis isn't looking good.

I just don't know how to cope, deal with or emotionally react to any of this. I haven't been close to my brother for a number of years, but we see each other at Christmas etc. Last year, I was really upset to see him looking so weak and ill and I don't know if I would cope seeing him so ill, but equally I couldn't live with myself if I didn't make the effort to go and see him, tell him how much I loved him, and spend my time with him.

I feel so alone, and don't want the worst to happen, but am almost going into denial in a way, as I'm not sure how I will cope if it does. I had a mental breakdown 18 months ago after a head injury, post concussion syndrome and drug induced movement disorder so this would bring back a lot of pain and grief about all of that - and dealing with something like this isn't something I feel ready for after just about getting back into life after all my problems.

I know it could go either way, but the way my parents are describing things, it doesn't seem great. I don't want to think the worst and be bleak, but am not sure how I am going to cope when things happen and reality means he doesn't survive. My husband and daughter will be the only things that will get me through this.

Please help me - I just need some words of comfort at the moment. :-(

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    Hello, 

    I'm really sorry to hear about your brother and how much you are struggling at this moment in time. 

    Did they ever mention whether your brothers bowel cancer is curable or not? Or is that something that hasn't been mentioned? Cancer is a very cruel disease because it can often keep you guessing. Has anyone mentioned why your brother has been put into a hospice? As hospices can be used for a few different reasons besides the obvious. I think all you can do is make sure you visit your brother when he is feeling up to seeing you. If there's things you desperately want to say then you could always write him a letter and get your parents to hand it to him or read it out to him. Then that way you know nothings left unsaid worse case scenario. I'm sure if he is nearing the end, the nurses would say to your parents their concerns. 

    I'm 28 and my dad has terminal bowel cancer. It's also in his lungs, liver, pineal gland in the brain and they've recently found a mass behind his left eye. He was diagnosed two years ago and was classed as 'incurable.' So despite the fact he'd never be cured and the cancer would eventually kill him, they were able to give him chemotherapy to give him more time. He's been doing really well or so we thought until 7 weeks ago. One day he was fine and the next he was really confused. He went into hospital and we found out it had spread to part of his brain. And it has also got a lot worse in the lungs and liver. Therefore he is now 'terminal.' I go through phases of being numb where I don't seem to feel anything at all to randomly breaking down and crying. The only thing I can say is take each day as it comes. When you think about it each day day is different and you never know what it's going to bring. Things like this is out of our hands and all we can do is learn to be strong  not only for ourselves but for the rest of the family. I've got a little boy and he keeps me going as well as my partner who is very supportive. I've got depression and I also suffer from anxiety. So one of the things I thought about was how am I going to cope with all of this when I find it hard to cope in general. But somehow I do feel a bit stronger, I know I can do this. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, or that it isn't upsetting because it breaks my heart thinking of losing my Dad. 

    Big hugs and remember you are far from alone x 

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