Hi Belle,

Has your husband said exactly why he has made this decision? Has he been told by a doctor that he has reached the end of his road, or has he decided that the personal cost just isn't worth the benefit? 

Only he can decide what is right for him, but sometimes when we feel down we don't make the best decisions. 

You have every right to feel angry - not with him but about the impossible situation that cancer has put you both in. Even a Saint would be forgiven for being angry under these circumstances.

When my Mum felt she'd reached the end of the road, almost everyone including her Oncologist and her GP supported her in the decision. Needless to say we, her family, were upset and angry about it, but we had to respect her wishes. I hope my own family do the same when my cancer journey comes to an end.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi and welcome to the forum though it is sad to see the reasons that brings you here.  The journey is a hard and difficult one for you both but please do not feel guilty about your feelings of anger which, from my  own experience, is perfectly natural.

  I travelled with my own hubby through nearly three years of terminal cancer (Mesothelioma) and it was a complete rollercoaster of every emotion.  I had the support of this forum (and still do) which helped enormously as there was mutual understanding.  My hubby had limited choices as regards palliative treatments and I know he tried them all in the hope for that bit longer but actually some of those treatments made him feel even worse and my heart ached with the unfairness of it all. In your heart you know that your husband would not wish to have hurt you. I felt the same when my hubby stopped treatment and chose to push me away but in time realised that it was the only way he could be in control of his own destiny.  I understand that his timing hurt you enormously and breaking the news to your daughter would have been so painful (we all cried together when we told our grown up children and it is the hardest thing int he world to do).

Please chat on the forum if you feel it helps to offload and I just want to send you a virtual hug. Jules54

Thank you Dave for your words of support, I do understand why he made his decision, I was just having a down moment, I have been sleeping at the hospital for 2 weeks now & I am a bit sleep deprived & emotional but talking about it helps, I just hate to see him slowly dying like this, I feel so helpless & useless at the moment 

thank you 

belle 

Thank you Jules for your kind words, I do understand his decision as I have been with him for every treatment, chemo, scans, X-rays, drains, transfusions, radiotherapy & this was his 3rd big infection, he just wasn't strong enough anymore to fight it but he has been so brave & always tried to keep everybody else laughing, it is so hard to see him like this & it doesn't help that I am sleep deprived & emotional after sleeping at the hospital for 2 weeks as he didn't want me to go home & neither did I to be honest 

thank you for your support & the hug 

belle

HiBelle

It  is so very hard coping with the lack of sleep and hospitals are not the best places to get some as there is always some noise and interruptions but, of course, you both want you to be there by your husband's side.  I am sure it is just a case of takingo ne day at a time just now and at times I used to feel like I was on automatic pilot. However I did not have to face a hospital situation as my hubby stayed at home throughout with only out patient check ups. In the latter months  we had community nurses but I can still remember the lack of sleep as I constantly checked up on him (which made him short tempered!!).  I hope you have family and friends supporting too but no matter how you feel you can always drop a line on the forum in the knowledge that there is someone just listening.  To be honest I often feel this forum kept me sane whenI so often doubted my feelings and thoughts.  Take care, Jules