Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 16 replies
  • Views 2163 views
  • Users 0 members are here

Caring for husband with cancer

Emsy2017
Offline

Hiya,

New to this site. My husband who is 34 has had his surgery for bowel cancer this week, 1/3 of his colon has been removed, he only got diagnosed 2 weeks ago after no symptoms at all apart from tiredness and a low blood count so its all been such a shock and whirlwind of appointments. He is now recovering in hospital. I was just wandering how everyone goes about their 'normal life' cause i am struggling. I have had 2 weeks off sick (anxiety) when he was first diagnosed, and this week while he has been in hospital i have taken a weeks annual leave as i just cannot imagine being at work at the moment especially as i visit him every day. I am meant to go back to work next week, just don't know if i am ready but feel like such a fraud as its not me that's poorly!

 

  • Offline
    Hi emsy, My husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in nov 2017. He is only 47 yrs and it was such a big shock. He had chemo and radiotherapy and then surgery 8 weeks ago which has been very tough on him. He has started chemo in tablet form which he has to take for 5mths. I have been off work since December as I could not cope with work. Don’t feel guilty taking time off as your husband really needs you and you have to look after yourself! If you contact the Macmillan team they can give you guidance on financial help and are a great support network. I hope your husband recovers well from his surgery.
  • Offline

    Hi , your journey sounds very similar to my own and I am with you, emotions range from anger, shock, terror and fear, all you can do is reach out for support as and when you need it and hang on in there, with you X 

  • Offline

    Sorry to hear your news.    In 2017 i had stage 3 breast cancer.  i had chemo and a mesectomey, i suffered bad nerve damage in my feet due to the chemo so i haven't returned to work yet . but now my husband as been diagnosed with follicular lymphoma and starts chemo on the 10th and 11th of October.  hes self employed so can have as much time off as he needs but god knows how we are going to cope financially.  i also feel guilty and think i should just find a job to support us while he as his treatment.  god knows what we have done to both get cancer in less than 2 years.. if i was you i would get a sick note from your g.p for stress and hopefully your employer will understand.  good luck 

  • Offline

    Hello. I feel for you so much. We have today been told my husband has bladder cancer. I'm devastated and can't stop crying. My husband has accepted it and says we will deal with it. He is 82 and very young at heart. Looked after his health etc. This was a shock too, totally out of the blue.

    You are both a lot younger so difficult for you in in different ways.  We have only been married 28 happy years after both having failed first marriages. We still have a lot of living to do.

    Im telling myself they can do so much now but it isn't easy at all,. I know the feelings you are having but don't, you can't help that.  We might not be the ones suffering but it's still so hard . Take care

  • Offline

    Hello, 

    I REALLY wanted to reply to you and try to give you some reassurance!!!

    Firstly, you are NOT a fraud and have every right to feel the way you feel. 

    Secondly, anxiety IS an illness when it's bad enough. Take that from me! Someone who is coming out the other side of cancer treatment and has ruined my work life due to anxiety!

    Lastly, try to find someone in work who you have a strong solid relationship with and who you can trust. You understably need to have a place to offload these feelings and work needs to be understanding toward that. Don't ever forget that work has a duty of care to not just your physical health but also your mental health. X

  • Offline

    My husband diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer and lung cancer , was only given till Christmas,  thankfully still here looking so well which makes it so difficult to try and understand as apparently he shouldn't be looking so well with what he has got ... I suffer badly with anxiety and struggling with all of this 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.