Hi from America. I am sorry for what you are going thru. You have had a real life changer. A terrible shock. A roller coaster ride of panic, depression, anger and fatigue. Am I right? I have been there. Please give your self the needed time and self care that your truly deserve. Being a care giver is TOUGH. no, you are not the patient who is sick but you are feeling all of his pain, suffering when he suffers, worrying with him. It takes tremendous courage and strength to care for the very ill that we love. Do NOT feel guilty for taking time to be with your loved one and recovering yourself. Your husband needs you to be feeling your best possible to help him. Talk to friends. Don't go it alone. Work will always be there. Your husband is more important and so are you.

My mom is dying of head and neck cancer and it is sooooo hard to watch. I have learned to step away for a few hours for a walk in the sun, to pick some flowers or have coffee with a friend. Talk, talk, talk. ASK for support specifically and your friends will pitch in for dinner, house help, etc.

Best of luck to you both! 

Sorry to hear your news . My husband was diagnosed with neck cancer Feb 17 this year and I have been of work since . My doctor has given me sick note for stress as like u there is no way I could think about concentrating at work . All you need to think about now is looking after yourself so you can be strong to support your husband at this very difficult time . My work has been very understanding and hopefuly yours will be . Keep strong and think positive I wish you both well . 

Hello, My husband has been fighting cancer for 3 years now. He's had 2 major operations then a course of chemo which caused him to have a stroke last year and he nearly died.  I can well understand absolutely 100% the time you are having.  Suddenly being told your husband has cancer is such a shock.  Waiting around for appointments with specialists, tests for this, tests for that, it's never ending. Wondering what the next result will bring is horrible.  Having to visit him in hospital every day, trying to be 'normal' and supportive when all the time you feel like you are falling apart.  You can't concentrate, you cry a lot, you can't sleep, you get bad tempered and have no patience for anything.  Even thinking about what to have for dinner is a huge problem, one because you can't think straight and two you don't want to eat anything!  If you have a family it makes it harder because you feel you have to keep 'normal' infront of them.   Personally, I've found that most of my friends keep out of the way, my family apart from my children have been no support at all and I've only had the listening ear of one really good friend I've had since my school days.   Feeling like a fraud is normal, feeling like you just can't cope is normal.  I've had a bit of medication help from my GP and a short break from work.  I'm managing better than I did and now able to support my husband better than I did.  I watch rubbish on the TV when I'm alone, I've thrown myself into my artwork when I have the time, I spend time in the bath trying to relax. I do all sorts of silly little things that I used to enjoy and it does help.  You have to think positive and for goodness sake don't think you are a 'fraud'.  You're not, you're a very normal, worried wife who hates to see her husband unwell and you're likely feeling there is *** all you can do about it except just be there for him which is really improtant.   It is still possible to share a laugh! I've found that nothing anyone can say makes you feel any better but you will find a way of coping with it all.  I went through all sorts of different emotions and have come out the other end, it takes a while and you'll have some grim days, but you will get there.  Kind Regards.

Thank you x

Thank you x

Thank you x

Hi my name is nessa, i have to thank u for what u wrote. My partner hasn't got long. but have noticed people avoid me beacuse they don't want to talk about the big C. i just wish i didn't always have to play the am ok game, coz am not when i come home am alone then i cry till i can't . The nurses are very nice but busy. this is why i've contacted this site.

Hi we just found out that mum has lung cancer and with treatment she will only have 18 months which was devastating to here.I wish my manger was more understanding she won't give me time off to help mum don't know what to do xxx