My girlfriend has terminal cancer....
she was diagnosed in 2009, 5 years before we met. On our second date she was completely honest and told me everything, but still knowing this I fell deeply in love with her. She is my soul mate, the funniest, most beautiful human being I have ever met. So strong, so determined, so inspiring.
We have the most amazing connection but it's so sad knowing that we cannot live a "normal" life, at some pint she will be taken from me.
To me I love her so dearly I will stand by her side through thick and thin but she is torn up with guilt that she is "ruining my life". She has tried hard to push me away but I keep coming back, not willing to leave my would buddy.
Am I being selfish? I know this guilt tears her apart but when together we live love and laugh constantly. I know I make her happy, we switch off from the world when together and forget the world around us. But still I know she feels sick guilt and sadness that she cannot give me "normal" life. But that doesn't matter to me. I love her mind and soul and don't see the sickness. I jay deeply love her.
But am I being selfish? I am causing her pain by being the cause of this guilt. We talk about this a lot. She tells me I have to go and find someone who will marry me and give me children but I don't even know if I want that. I simply fell in love with her and the thought of walking away and never knowing what happens to her tears me up inside.
What am I to do. Am I being selfish holding onto her? I don't want to leave her. She makes me smile, I love her so badly.....I can understand where she is coming from but is what I am doing, fighting hard to keep her wrong?
we have tried being friends, it doesn't work, we have too much of a mental and physical connection.
Should I free her of the guilt and walk away?
she tries to ignore me when she is ill in hospital but I just can't let go and keep fighting back. I know she loves me and wants me but the guilt makes her so sad.....what should I do? I want her to be happy? Would she be happier without this guilt? Should I do what she asks and walk away?
i know deep down she wants me. Help!!
Im struggling whether I am being selfish, holding on for my needs. We spoke about this again last night after a long hospital stint and it was so sad but then we kissed and made love for hours...I know I make her laugh and love....but is this enough....I do feel selfish but I can't let go.
Has as anyone had any similar feelings? Is there a right or wrong thing to do??
please help
