Cancer Research UK main site

Tired, lonely and wondering what's next!

powerlessmusketer
Offline

My mum has lung cancer and has now been diagnosed with secondary bone cancer. She is undergoing chemo and has also received radiotherapy for pain control. She is so poorly, each day it seems to get worse. We have not been given a time but I am so afraid. So many things frighten me now I almost can't tell you what they are as the list is too long! I am the only family member who is taking any of the load. I am struggling to control the feeling of guilt because I don't seem to be able to do enough. I am so tired, I don't even know what the point to my typing right now was! I just don't know what to do? X

  • Offline

     

    Hi,

    It is so difficult to hold yourself together when you are watching a loved one failing before your eyes and you feel powerless to do anything. You have no need to feel guilty, even the medics cannot do much for her at this stage, so how can you be expected to? – just be there for your mum.

     It is no wonder you are so tired and that you find your head all over the place. It is quite common for this sort of reaction – a mixture of unexplained emotions and no doubt plenty of tears too.

    Try to stay strong in front of your mum – not an easy thing to do. Ask her care team outright what the outcome is likely to be and how long she has left. They cannot predict an exact time, but they should have a pretty good idea.

    You sound absolutely bereft and I feel for you. I lost my mum in similar circumstances in 1997 and I still miss her every day.

    I hope that you get the answers you need soon.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

     

  • Offline

    Hi

    It is over two years since I watched cancer finally take my hubby away (Mesothelioma) after his three year brave battle against his terminal diagnosis.  I can still fully relate to your feelilngs but need to tell you that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for.  You will be doing everything that is possible to support your Mum during the most horrid of times and most of my anger and frustration was laid bare on this forum during this sad period of our lives.  It is that feeling of the lack of control that we as 'carers' experience whilst constantly trying to be supportive and strong whilst falling apart on the inside.  The fear is palpable but for now try and take it a small step at a time and talk and love your Mum just as  you area already doing.

    Your Mum's medical team can give you guidance as to how your Mum's illness may progress but to be honest it is not an exact science and they will need her permission to discuss things with you/family if you do not have that already.

    You ask the point of typing on the forum and I would say it is a good way to offload your feelings and other members listen/respond if they wish.  Too many of us have been through such a journey and it helps to have the support of virtual friends. We often put into writing here what we cannot bring to say to our nearest and dearest for fear of breaking down or worrying them even more.

    Hope you are receiving support too and be kind to yourself. Sending a virtual hug. Jules54

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.