Dear Sue,

I am sorry to read your story.   As you say unless you have walked in the shoes, you dont know the road.

It is hard to say to friends and family exactly how you feel, sometimes I think what I say sounds melodramatic but the truth is we hurt, obviously in a different way to the loved one who had to endure what cancer throws at them.  Roughly a year ago my 34 year old son was diagnosed with bowel cancer with full secondary liver mets, prognosis not optimisitic.   He had planned to get married on 15 may 2016 which he did ten days after having his bowel tumour removed, a bittersweet wedding.   My husband, his two sisters and his wife spent all our time with him till he died on 19th Jan this year, ten days after his 35th birthday.  Nobody knows till you have experienced this what it does to you all.   Everyone is different and deals with things in their own way but the effects of cancer on the person dealing with the disease and those of us who love and care for  that person are immense.  I now realise that wherever I am in company I am probably not alone and that is scary.  As you say we have to be strong but sometimes that is a big ask.   I send you love and hope you have family and friends to support you both.

love from a stranger

lesliexxx

Hi

Its so true when you are caring for someone. My biggest issue at the moment is people telling me how I should be feeling or that I should take time for myself. I understand people are concerned for my welfare but on top off a terminal diagnosis just 3 weeks ago and being told that my partner has days left, I could do without people guessing that I'm tired or guessing that I need a rest. Very frustrating indeed and is the reason why I have pushed many people away to deal with this myself. I hope no one close to me every experiences what I am going through with my partner but sometimes I feel like screaming "you have no idea how this feels!!!!!!!" 

There, rant over! 

Take care guys

Love Alison x

So sorry for your loss Leslie, omg how are you coping with it, such a young age,you never expect your children to go before yourself, I'm sure you have your happy memories to treasure, stay strong,I'm just taking it day by day I'm absolutely heartbroken but trying to put a brave face on  x sue x

Hi Sue,

I know how you feel. I lost my mom to cancer some months ago and it's the worse thing in the world to watch someone you love wither away before your eyes and be able to stop it.

My mom was also on a syringe driver towards the end of her life and was pumped full of morphine and was happy that at least she wasn't in much pain. Eventually they had to up the morphine so much that she was sleeping all the time and her ograns shut down. 

It's so hard but the only thing you can do now is make the time he has left as good as you possibly can, laugh when you can with him and share good times. He is so lucky to have you caring for him, many don't. 

Cancer doesn't care if you're a good person, what age you are, what you do or how much money you have. I really hope in time to come we can conquer this hideous disease that has take so many and destroyed so many families lives.

God Bless x

Hi Alison,

Like you, I'm always being told that I need to look after myself, but how do I do that?

Its a daily struggle to be cheerful and some days are harder than others, but somehow I get through. I'm always fine until someone asks me how I am! How can I answer that?

Its good to have a rant now and again and you're quite right, no one knows how you feel!

Keep ranting, but try not to scream too loudly!

Life goes on X