my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer in September.  Since then, my sister and I have been going down to care for him every day (he lives alone).  He is currently in hospital with a chest infection due to be discharged at the end of the week.

i love my dad so much, and I really don't mind going down to care for him when my kids are at school but Im starting to struggle when they are off school and at the weekend.  I have 3 kids (19, 12 & 9), the 9 year old is my foster child, that's my job a foster carer.

my dad is starting to struggle a bit at home, he is reluctant to get carers in (I had arranged for carers when he was first diagnosed, but he told them not to come back), he is probably going to need a commode and I will REALLY struggle with this. 

its the Easter holidays and so far I've done absolutely nothing with the kids, it was the same during the October break, Christmas break and any inservice days, because I'm down at my dads everyday.  Don't get me wrong, my sister is down everyday too (she goes down first thing in the morning and in the evening as she works 9-5) but she expects me just to leave the kids and go down everyday.  My husband works from 7am - 5pm, but is up at 5.30 in the morning and doesn't get home until about 6pm at night. I need to ask my oldest son to look after the younger 2 when they are off school whilst I go down to my dads therefore he can't go out with his friends, the younger 2 are missing out on trips etc, and I've already had social services ask me if I can still do my job (foster child has been with us for 3 years, calls me mum and is a permenant placement) and I've been pulled up because I'm not up to date with my training. 

I have spoken to my sister to say I will struggle cleaning the commode, she told me I will just need to get over it, I've told her we might need to put our heads together to come up with a plan if we struggle to keep caring for him, she's told me he isn't going into a home (please believe me I don't want him to go into a residential home either but I think we need to keep an open mind), she expects me to go down every day to see/help my dad because I'm at home everyday and she's doing way more because she has a 9-5 job. I understand she is doing all she can.

i don't know how much longer I can keep juggling things and I've tried to explain this to her but she just keeps saying "we will still have our lives when he's gone, we won't have him", and she gets really annoyed and acts like I don't care about him. I'm worried in case foster child is taken away from me which would break my heart as I love her like my own, I'm worried I case I can't look after my dad, I'm worried that the kids are having a rotten time (their Easter holidays have been rubbish). My house is a pigsty it hasn't been cleaned properly for months which then makes me worried a I could get an unannounced visit from social services or the care commission at any time. My husband is knackered when he gets home, he does his best to help and hasn't said anything about me going down to my dads until recently when he has said we (meaning my sister and i) should really be looking into further care for him as we cant keep this level of care up just by ourselves.  My mum is also saying if dad doesn't want the help then he isn't getting it (mum and dad are separated but mum doesn't keep well herself and cannot give any care to dad).

im so sorry for anyone who reads this that this has turned out to be a novel, and I'm sorry if it sounds so selfish. I promise it's not meant to be I'm just worried about everything.  I want to please my dad, my sister, my husband, my kids, social services and I don't know how I can do all of that and keep juggling everything.