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In shock for my Dad

ellierose767
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Hi everyone, 

I found out my Dad has terminal cancer a couple of weeks ago. I'm in total shock. I'm 27 and my little sister is 24. We've been so lucky to have a stable family, our parents have been together for 35 years and the thought of Dad not being here and Mum being alone is just horrendous. Dad has stomach cancer which has already spread to the lymph nodes and liver. He was told he has 3-6 months to live without treatment and 12-18 with chemo. He is starting his first of 6 rounds in a couple of weeks. The thought of it all is so overwhelming. Everything is so unpredictable and seeing my family so sad and trying to stay positive (as my Dad is at the moment, which is even more sad in a way) is so difficult.

I've just finished a Masters and graduate in July, which will be after Dad's last round if he does them all. The thought of my parents not being there is so sad, especially as Dad won't be around if I get married or have children myself, which is just devastating. 

I've had a couple of days off work and my period has been thrown out of whack completely, I think my own body is in shock too. I work part time and have loads of freelance jobs on as well, I hate letting people down but everyone is being very supportive, although I still need to work. I just feel completely all over the place and not sure what to do.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks x

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    Hi Ellie,

    we found out 3 weeks ago today that my dad has lung cancer. After going back and forth to the doctors for a year and them fobbing him off telling him it was a chest infection, asthma and then a lung infection they finally referred him for a CT scan when he got really bad the beggining of Feb. The scan showed the tumour in his left lung, signs it's already spread to the right lung and to his lymph nodes. Like your dad he has been offered chemo which will give him a quality to the little life he has left.

    My mum and dad have also been married for many years and we have always been a close family, we are all devestated and feel cheated I'm so angry that they never picked this up sooner he may have had a possible chance of survival if they did.

    I felt like I was walking around in a cloud the first couple of weeks but seeing my dad looking like my normal dad I have decided to focus on him being here with us now and to try and make lots of memories and take lots of pictures. I think that's all you can do at the moment and just be there for each other. I'm sure your work will understand after all family will always come first I'm sure they know that.

    hows your dad feeling about it all? We haven't really sat down as a family and talked about it. I don't know if we should, I don't want to make my dad upset. 

    if you ever need to chat or to vent please feel free to message me.  X 

  • Offline in reply to Loulou13

    Hi Lou,

    Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear your news too. It's so crazy how many people are going through the same thing at the same time let alone throughout time! 

    That's terrible it took so long for you. For us Dad didn't have many symptoms other than loss of apetite and in the few weeks before the diagnosis he was looking really pale and told he was anaemic. He had a blood transfusion and a CT scan and was looking remarkably better when we got the news. So strange to get your head around. When does your Dad start chemo?

    Yeh it's horrible finding out so late. Everyone is saying 'keep positive' but when we have been told it is terminal it feels like there is no hope, only putting our lives on hold to try to manage it and support and be with him in the time he has. 

    Yes I agree, and work has been ok with it. Just lots of projects to put on hold or cancel which is sad as well. I'm also based in Bristol and my family live in Hertfordshire so travelling back and forth takes a while and I feel kind of separate from them here, but I have been back a lot having a little holiday and meals out etc. It all feels very weird though. I did some painting with Dad last weekend which was really nice. 

    He is feeling up and down of course but is trying to keep a really positive attitude. He is sad to make everyone else sad and keeps joking that it's all his fault, which I think he does really feel although of course he can't help it! We have spoken about it as a family quite a bit, all with lots of gallows humour but tears too. Definitely helps to talk about, and being upset and vocal together is a really important process I think, but I know it's really hard. 

    Thanks so much for your offer to chat, likewise :) xx

  • Offline in reply to ellierose767

    I'm in Gloucester so not far from you!

     

    My dad is starting his chemo in a couple of weeks, they have said they will do another scan after the 2nd round to see if it's working if it's not they will try another treatment.

    Whilst my dad was in hospital my mum, sister and myself talked about it together and had a cry but we didn't really want to speak about it to dad and make him upset whilst he had to stay in. Now he's out I think he doesn't want to make us upset and we don't want to make him upset. I also have a 5 year old son and my sister has a 3 year old daughter so we try not to say too much or show emotion in front of them.

     

    if your finding it really hard have you looked at councelling? My mum has found us all someone we can talk to, to see if it helps x

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