Dads time left

Hi there,  My dad has been diagnosed with bladder cancer and kidney cancer and has been told his life expectancy is around 9 months.  Hes a 81 year old gentleman and it looks like the only kind of treatment he has been offered is chemo that goes directly into his bladder for an hour and then is flushed out, no treatment is possible on his Kidneys.  Im getting married in 2 months and he has promised to be by my side .....Im so worried that after the wedding he will just start to give up,  what kind of symptons will he start to get when he starts get weaker?  I need to try and prepare myself and could the doctors be wrong with a diagnosis on his life span? I cant understand how they can just say 9 months, surely everyone is different.  He currently has no pain, apart from getting tired and having an afternoon nap.  

  • Hi tandj,

    My mum had small cell lung cancer and she was given a similar time frame. Firstly, every case is different and it is impossible for doctors to give a truly accurate timeframe, my mum defied all of the doctors when she managed 6 rounds of chemotherapy and her response to treatment was considered unprecedented. However when she entered the actively dying stage it was a lot quicker than doctors had anticipated, so it is really hard to say.  

    My advise to you would be to just be present, be there for him as much as you can. He may go through a whole host of emotions and feelings towards his prognosis and general predicament, and from my experience I found myself having a lot of discussions with mum about life, the past, what lies ahead, mortality, etc. It is incredibly difficult but I think it would be the greatest gift you could give your dad! I would try not to put too much of an emphasis on 'how long' and instead think about how you can bring quality of life and happiness to him and within your relationship in whatever way you can - I used to give mum mani/pedi's in the hospital and put a bit of make up on her, it sounds silly but it really cheered her up and made her feel herself again. 

    With regard to your question about what to expect, I can't say specifically as my mum had a different cancer however I imagine symptoms like weakness, tiredness, loss of apetite. Keeping up with physiotherapy is incredibly important, I cannot stress this enough - any activity to help with your dad's strength and muscle mass will be hugely beneficial to his quality of life and general independence. 

    Wishing you both all the best. 

    Gabi