My mother has dementia and so suffers from confusion.  I never disagree with her, because this just points up to her her problems, which she can do nothing about.  You don't necessarily need to lie to him - if he says "i'm in an hotel", replying "Oh, OK" or "Oh, that's nice" avoids making your relative feel bad without you needing to lie.  The advice I've had with the dementia is to enter their world, rather than trying to drag them into yours, and there world is very different from ours.  It might be worth looking up dementia, because that's just a name for confusion, even if temporarily (I've had mild dementia from my chemo - it's temporary).  Good luck

Thank you. I missed the key element, it's not about me. You brought that home to me when you said "don't drag them into your world."

Funny thing is, I have just got back from visiting him and I asked him if he remembered phoning me this afternoon? He did, he also confided about hallucinations etc. I explained that it was  all part of his illness. Unfortunately he forgets the prognosis, and as I've been reminded by the nurses and palliative care team. It is not their role to remind him. That is down to the consultant, whom he last saw ages ago when it was decided no more treatment. 

I am not sure about your own circumstances, but I do hope you allow others to support where possible. Please feel free to chat or message. I suppose sometimes it's easier to talk with strangers than protecting those closest. Take care x

Thank you for taking an interest. As you're probably aware it's difficult to know what to do, but a comfort to hear other people's experiences similar to your own. 

We are more fortunate today that such illlnesses are more recognised. On a lighter note, the stories he tells make me chuckle. I know not everyone would find them amusing, but otherwise I think I'd cry, and some days I'm all out of tears. 

Jo x

my mum was always making me laugh where she was so confused but also in and out of sleep then she's start talking about somthing  else I use to tell her if i hadn't found the funny side i would cry thankfully mum came out of her confusion when her calcium was back to normal but as soon as we saw the confusion it was straight back to the Dr and be sent to the hospital now mums gone it's nice to be able to look back on some of the funny things she would come out with x

I am sorry for your loss Poppy. But I'm glad that you shared some laughter.  Some things just crack me up. 

I'm trying to get my dad discharged so he can spend his final days at home. The occupational health therapist rang me on Friday. She went through a series of questions and said "pets? Oh it's ok he has told me he has a fish."  I stuttered with laughter! If I caught him in lucid moment and told him, even he would roll his eyes. 

yiu sound as though you managed to keep your head during your mums illness, which is a credit to you, and I'm sure your mum was proud  

Hiw do you manage after the loss? I keep telling myself that the hardest part has been, the "anticipatory grief"  but although I'm there everyday, I think I'm going to bottle the last couple of days, when things become prevalent  

Jo x

its been very hard as I cared for her for 6 years so I was at the hospital by her side all day everyday she went in with server pneumonia her oxygen level was 63 when the McMillan nurse came to our house that morning the Drs said they had never seen pneumonia so bad before she was started in treatment but after a few days she pulled the cannula out and refused treatment and asked to be made comfortable at this stage I was told we couldn't bring her home she would not have made it on the journey such was 15 mins away they wouldn't move her to the hospice and I had to fight just to get her a side room it really was a horrible they say having lot of family around help I have 4 sister 1 brother and my dad I struggled to have them all around me I didn't get time to grive I saw her early hours after she died and wasn't expecting what how I saw her she didn't look like my mum at all the last 2 days I really strugstruggled and kept crying but away from mum is your dad religious do you know x

Hi Jose, I'm in the throes of adjuvant treatment for a breast cancer that was completely removed (the chemo phase is over). As for as my Mum is concerned, she's in a very happy place.  She had to be moved into a home last year, as she became paranoid and deeply frightened, but she's been sorted out and loves the home she's in.  It's a perfect one for her and they're very kind there.  She's 90 this year, so I can't complain and she's still OK for me to take out to a café she knows and to bring her home for a few hours a week. My hospital has provided me with counselling to deal with my own issues, so I'm in a pretty good place myself.  I'm glad what I said seems to have helped a bit.  I'm sorry you're losing him and I know how hard it is to adjust to the mental changes in a parent, where you end up reversing roles.  Take it easy on yourself, because you've got a lot to deal with at the moment.  xxx

No, my father is not religious, but respects other people's views. You were lucky to spend that time as a comfort to your mum. 

I work full time and have my daughter to look after. I go the hospital every night to spend a small amount of time with him. It's over an hour drive to the hospital, so I only get just over an hour a night with him. 

Just got back. Not a good visit, he had a fall earlier. I didn't find his confusion amusing tonight. I'm not sure who he thought I was, but he clearly doesn't like them lol. 

I knew the disease could make people bad, I just never thought I would hear dad say things like he did tonight. Xxx

I found this with mum before she was taken into hospital she hardly spoke to me the she week the most I got was a yes if I asked if she was in pain I only ask about religion as my mum was brought up in a church but came away from it when she was older and we had a Chaplin in to say a blessing 2 days before she passed and I think it helped her a little bit also I brought her a teddy bear from the gift shop at hospital and she never let go of it she snuggled with it till she died and it went on her coffin with her too x