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Need advice whether to move back to care for stage 4 mum

Jooleh
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Hello,

I'm in desperate need of advice about whether I should move home to care for my mum. She has stage 4 breast cancer of the bone, diagnosed a year ago. I live in a different country for work, but have said that I would return when things get bad.

The thing is, no one is giving me information about how long she has left. I know that it's very difficult to predict, and that people have different prognosis, but I hope someone can give me an indication.

We recently found out that it's spread to her liver. The doctor is changing her medication and then reviewing in a few months. Her liver function is normal apart from that. 

My job is terminating in 7 months, so I don't know whether to wait and see what happens or quit my job now. I really don't want to regret not being there for her, but at the same time some people live for 1-2 years after this diagnosis. 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

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    Hi, I'm so,sorry to hear about your mum. I'm not a medical professional so cannot help with how long you may have left. I have, however, helped nurse my younger brother 4 years ago and my mother, just under 2 years ago, who both died of different types of cancer. I would only say to you that use whatever time you have available to spend with your mum if you can. Being around before she gets really poorly may provide you with some time and memories that will bring comfort in years to come. I don't think a week goes by that I don't wish I'd had just a bit more time, or done a bit more while they'd been around. I wish you strength in the future and hope your mum doesn't suffer too much or for too long. X
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    Hi Jooleh, 

    I know there's nothing I can really say that will make you feel better, but I can understand how you're feeling. My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer last year, and I'm in university right now. I had thought about taking time off of school and taking care of my dad. No one can really say how much time any of our relatives have left, and I know this is something that is difficult to come to terms with. I always want to ask the doctors how much time my dad has left, but they can never really say. Some people live much longer than expected but others live for much shorter times. I just wouldn't want you to regret not spedning time with your mum while you could have, but I know she would also want you to live your won life. Our parents want to see us happy, and they also want to know that when they go we have a lie we can live that will be fullfilling, and we can support ourselves. I know I don't have a deifinitive answer, but you really have to do what's in your heart. If you feel this time is most important spent with your mom than I don't think you would regret having spent this time with her, right? Sending my thoughts your way. 

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    Hello. So sorry to hear about your mum. I can only go on my own personal experience recently and I would say go with your heart. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at the end of Sept. On Nov 23rd he passed away at home after spending three weeks in hospital. Dad deteriorated very quickly and it's all such a shock. We weren't given a time scale on how long dad had left. Just told everybody is different. 

    Time is precious xx xx 

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