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Overwhelmed in Canada

Kary
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My mom has untreatable bile duct cancer.  She has a large tumour in her liver & spread to her lungs.  She got symptoms in August 2016 but diagnosed in November.  I'm not sure how long she has left.  She lives with me my hubby & 4 kids(18,20,24,29) so she is very loved & cared for.  I am a breast cancer survivor(7years) my brother is not calling or coming to see her.  I feel very overwhelmed & exhausted.  His 3 children also ignore her.  

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    Hello Kary,

    A big welcome to our forum!

    I am so sorry to hear that your mum's cancer has spread and that it is now untreatable. What a stressful time it must be for you but it is comforting to know I am sure that she is living with those she loves the most and that with your four children around there must be a lot of positivity and animation in your house to make her feel a bit better. It is a shame though that she doesn't have any news from your brother and it must put a strain on you to have to do everything. It is not surprising that you feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

    I hope there is some help available for you in Canada to help you cope with everything. Perhaps there is support available for carers there that you might be entitled to? It might be worth getting in touch also with a Canadian organization, for example the Canadian Cancer Society.

    55 St. Clair Avenue West
    Suite 300
    Toronto
    Ontario
    M4V 2Y7

    Website: www.cancer.ca
    Email: info@cancer.ca
    Phone: 1 888 939 3333 or (416) 961 7223

    Hopefully you will hear from some of our members and they will be along soon to share their own story with you and offer some words of advice.

    Stay strong Kary it is amazing what you are doing for your mum and I am sure that she very much appreciates it

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi Kary, welcome to the forum, but sorry to hear about your Mom. I also live in Canada, (East) and I have cancer myself. I found this forum a few years ago and it has been a God-send for me. Just to be able to converse with others on here who understand what its' like, has made a big difference for me. I haven't been on the forum for quite awhile as I have other issues here to contend with. I see that our good moderator, Lucie, has responded to your post and she has given some good suggestion about contacting the Canadian Cancer Society. I haven't contacted them myself as I've been mainly dealing with my local hospital where I have had my treatments, etc. It wouldn't hurt to see what services may be available to you as a caregiver for your Mom, since you seem to be her only support person. Your Mom is very lucky to have you there for her. As for your brother, I'm sorry he isn't available to you and your Mom, if even for emotional support. I have lived long enough and learned a lot about family members to not expect them to be there when needed.

    I'll keep an eye on the forum to see if you post again. Take care.

    Lorraine

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    Hi Kary, It sounds like you are all having to get through a pretty tough time at the moment. My mum was ill for a long time before she died (not cancer) and I was effectively like your brother. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was more that I was frightened by the whole thing and didn't feel like there was anything I could do that would be as good as what my sister was doing. I needed to be told specifically what I should do to help, and once I'd been given those tasks I got on with them. Once I realised the difference it made then I started automatically realising what needed to be done. I know you shouldn't have to do that, but it might help.

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