This has been a terrible year, I had my Kidney removed in May , my scans since then have been stabe for which I thank God many times a day.

My brother had 4 toes removed in june due to diabeties, my friends wife had a brain tumour removed in february and is having treatment, but her platelets are all over the place,

My sister in law had a hysterectomy last thurdsay waiting for the biopsy results.

My friend john has 10 lites of liquid on his stomache and had an mri scan that couild not see through the liquid so he is having a cat scan in January the docs say he could have cancer of the liver or lymph nodes its wait and see.

My partner is diabetic and has kidney problems and a scan also in january ..plus 2 weeks ago an operation on the right hand 

due to carpel tunnel and they took out all the hard bits on the palm as the hand would not open and close.

my best friend had skin cancer 4 years ago and last year it came back with a vengance and he has tumours in his brain, kidneys lung liver.. He spends most of the day in bed now as he struggles to walk, he is very confused and siorientated sometimes and sometimes he gets angry with his wife.. he is eating very little at the moment, but the hospital doctors have increased the dosage of his steroids , but as yet I dont know what they intend to do next, his wife said she hoped they could do something to let her have him for another year, but 3 or 4 months is more hopefull she said

My doctor has given me valium only 2 mg to help me sleep at night but it makes me feel terrible in the mornings so im going to stop taking it... I just feel that my whole world has crashed and burnt down this year... 

I stopped smoking after my operation, but 2 weeks ago I started I couldnt help it everything got to much, 2 or 3 a day and i hate myself because they dont really help... and I KNOW IT.

Im retired now and so I have spare time .. only because al the things that I used to do gardening, the gym riding my bike 

all went bye the bye. I still spend a lot of time walking my dogs and I will go back to the gym next week..

Today i spent 3 hours listening to stop smoking videos on you tube, and a relaxation video.. then I got a message that terry my friend had been ill in the night... 2 cigarretes immediatly and now im even more down ..

I used to be the pillar of strength in the family but now im just a jelly ... I cant wait until I can take the valium and creep up to bed and pull the covers over and shut the world out, but at 6 am usually I wake up and the reality of everything hits me like a sledge hammer... 

Its so hard to cope, I read most of the posts on here now, and there are so many oeople going though the same things as me... I pay to God to give evryone the strength to cope .. 

god bless you all and help you all in your hours and minutes of need

Alan