hi I know this sounds selfish but can anyone help me ? I have had severe anxiety and depression since January this year and on New Year's Eve last year had the mother of all breakdowns there wasn't a day in January where I didn't want to take my own life things have been really hard but they were improving until august when I found out my dad had cancer the dr's kept telling him he had asthma and kept giving him a different inhaler he had had this bad cough constantly for about 12 months when finally a new dr to the practice sent him for some tests eventually the results came back as lung cancer I went with him to all his appointments and to all his chemotherapy sessions but the dr said his cancer was in his right lung mainly plus his limph nodes in the centre of his chest plus a lump in his left lung after two chemotherapy sessions the cancer had shrunk but after the fourth and final chemotherapy sessions the results showed it had grown and faster than expected they said to him whilst I was with him if he had radiotherapy he may have 12 months but if not he wouldn't see this Christmas I can honestly say I have never felt so low why can't it be me instead of my dad he has worked hard all of his life not retiring until he was 67 so he could get his 50 years service to the company in then this happens he is only 73 now my emotions are all over the place can anyone help me ? xx