Good morning everyone :)

I'm new on here and I'm a carer for my MIL (mother-in-law), who was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in September.
In brief, she has it in the common bile duct and is due a PET scan this afternoon to see where else it may have spread. She has had several scans already and been hospitalised twice, her bilirubin levels have been up to 500; currently down to 120 and is due to have Whipple surgery next month.  In the mean time she has to concentrate on building herself up whilst in preparation for this op.

I wasn't sure where to post this question for maximum input, but as I'm a main carer, I thought here would be a good place to start ;) 

We've all, in the family, experienced the emotional roller coaster ride of moods swings since the initial diagnosis!  But I've been thinking back to all of my MIL's mood swings over the past year or so (prior to diagnosis) and am wondering is this when the cancer was starting to take a hold of her.  And is it the imbalance of the body's chemistry that is causing all these mood swings and short temper (just as women experience PMT with their period or going through the change)?

My FIL (father-in-law) was diagnosed with alzheimers about 5 years ago and, naturally, MIL is his main carer.  But over the past year or so my MIL has become very intolerant and impatient with him; very short tempered and verbally abusive, particularly in the past 6 months or so.  Her sons have talked to her on several occasions over this and none of us could ever understand what was going on with her other than she was feeling the strain of caring for her husband (we've even feared she was developing alzheimers too :shocked: ).  

But even with all of us trying to take on as much of the burden to relieve her, it never improved her moods.  In fact, despite all we were doing over the past year, her moods were getting worse, to the point of very public outbursts on family outings and all directed at her husband, treating him like her own personal whipping boy!  She never has such outburst with any of the rest of the family; I'm her main carer during the day and my husband (her eldest son) at night and we've never had this directed on us.  But we witness it regularly directed at her husband, even the grandchildren have witnessed this.  And this is so very out of character for my in-laws; they were normally very quiet, private people!  Lovely people and the best in-laws a daughter-in-law could ever dream of having :love:

The first time my MIL was hospitalised, my FIL stayed with us for the week and when we took him to visit her in hospital, basically she merely tollerated him.  Ok, sometimes she can be civil, a little pleasant, even loving towards him, but she can so swiftly cancel that out in the next instance :(  It's sooo heartbreaking to see this because they were such a loving couple in all the years I've known them :|

For the past 4 weeks now, my FIL has been in respite care, I regularly bring him home for visits/appointments but even despite this break, she's still yelling at him.  On his last visit last Friday she got right up into his face yelling at him and, again, I had to intervene.  And it was over absolutely nothing!  He merely asked her a very civil and simple question and she just flew right off the handle with him :shocked:  And that's what I don't understand about all this!  My FIL just stands there and takes it but he's not happy with it and surprisingly even talked to me about it.  In particular he doesn't like her use of bad language, cursing and swearing at him; and even though I've never heard any of that from her myself, I do believe that is something she reserved for when they were alone.  Needless to say, they are rarely alone these days; he does phone her but I don't know how those calls go.

So, what am I asking? What am I looking for on here?  Heck, I think I've just answered myself!  This is the new norm!  I know of one other person who had pancreatic cancer and whipple surgery; younger than my MIL and they went the exact same way prior to diagnosis, and went steadily down hill from there.  To the point of divorce and gone off the rails a little too; they've got a second chance of life and are living life to the full careless to the feelings of their partner!

I think I just want to hear other peoples experiences and basically afirm my suspicions.  From the little I've read in all the bumph MIL received about this cancer from the hospital and the McMillans nurses which covered feelings/emotions post diagnosis, I haven't really found much covering this side of things as a "symptom" due to the changes in the body's chemistry or anything.  Is this something that's normally brushed-over or just never really addressed?  Or has it been missed altogether in mistaking it for the post-diagnostic emotions we all go through?