Hi there Daala, welcome to the forum, but sorry to hear that your friend is struggling with a serious illness. You don't say if its' cancer, but I assume it is because of this being a cancer chat forum. I have been in your shoes before, but now I'm dealing with my own cancer, so I have been on both sides of that fence. Because of that, I have a pretty good sense of how it all feels. To start with, you both need to sit down and talk openly about the position you find yourself in. Putting it in words doesn't make the situation any worse than what it is for sure. It sounds like neither one of you have been in such a situation prior to now, so you are breaking new ground here. There's no " one size fits all" here. Everyone has their own way of coping and dealing with things so you two need to find the way that works for you. To start with, you can't make him well; that will happen with the medical care he gets hopefully, and the best you can do is support him through those times. Unless you've dealt with a serious illness yourself, you have no idea how he's feeling and perhaps he's not even able to openly communicate that to you. Certainly, encourage him to talk about it, but if he chooses not to, then you need to respect that. With respect for your feelings, try and get him to understand that you will be there for him if he'll let you, and it would be helpful if he would share his feelings and concerns with you. However, if he chooses not to, then you need to respect that. Its' a tough position to be in for sure and i wish you all the luck in getting through this together.

Come back on the forum and get support for yourself, and let us know how you're managing with it.

Take care.

Lorraine 

Thank you very much for your support. Yes it is metastatic cancer that he is living with, stable for about a year now.

He is my boyfriend, but the relationship is relatively new. Yesterday he asked me over and I was able to see for the first time since these series of events related to his health that he is very much struggling emotionally and physically. He is pushing himself to get to work daily despite the setbacks and is coming home exhausted. He is an athlete and characteristically independent and energetic, so I believe the point he is functioning at right now is a stark contrast to how he usually lives. That, and it has gone on for a long while now. I decided just to ask how he was feeling, something that I had sensed was off-limits in our prior interactions, and he finally expressed just how devastated he was at this point. I think what I was really feeling above was that I had sensed what all of this meant to him , yet I was shut out from being with him during this very difficult time, and unsure how to help/act.  And because of his pain, I was compelled to be closer to him than ever, yet he wanted just the opposite for this long while. In the end, nothing for him has changed except that we were able to connect and I was able to provide support, which has possibly deepened our trust and reliance on each other. Tomorrow is a critical doctor's appointment where he may get the help he needs, and I am keeping hope for him. 

Thanks so much again for listening.