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How to tell my Dad how I feel about him

tankparksalute
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Hi,

My Dad has terminal cancer, its aggressive and careering out of control. I've all these things I want to tell him, so he dies knowing how amazing he's been. I was hoping I'd have time to figure out how to have that conversation and not be a sobbing wreck, but that luxury is not one I have. My family isn't very demonstrative and we tend to avoid overt displays of emotion or showing each other how we feel. Don't get me wrong though, we're not cold, we just have that British repressed thing going on. I'd toyed with the idea of telling him everything I felt in an email, but I don't want him to think this is me saying goodbye and that I've written him off, thought it really is part of me saying goodbye. I'm not sure email is the right medium, or if there is a right medium for this sort of thing,  but I can't figure out how I can do this face to face. I've read the Death and Dying book so I know it'll be helpful for both of us if I can figure out how to do this, I just don't know how to approach this for the best.

Has anyone else wrestled with this? What did you do?

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    hi tankparksalute

    this is a common dilemma. Don't do it in an email, it is impersonal and will probably arrive in between an offer from Currys and notification the gas bill is ready. If your family doesn't do emotional stuff, mine doesn't either, then he already knows you love him and may be embarassed if you come out with lots of touchy feely stuff. How about just talking with him in a normal way and bring up nice memories about events you've shared together, what a great chilhood you had, a really funny moment, you could tell him how you feel about him through these stories. To be honest if you hold someones hand, give them a big smile and a kiss it tells them all they need to know. Kim

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    Hi sorry to hear your sad news. Currently as I write this I'm sat with my dad within a hospital room watching him pass away. My dad is a very proud independent man who would rarely within my childhood tell me his feelings or express words of love but I always felt loved, and safe. In my adult years i would tell my dad regularly I loved him sonetines or more often than not he would brush this off. Many years past then my mum past and their wouldn't be a day that would go by without telling my dad I LOVE HIM and hear him respond with the same words. I sit here hourly waiting and in still telling him i love you, I'm here, these words I'll never hear again as he's unable to talk due to being so so weak. But I know if he could the words would cone freely. Words are such a powerful emotion take this opportunity to say how you feel else regrets may follow when you are unable to say these three beautiful words that mean so much. My dad may have hours or days but he'll pass knowing I've said I love you, I hope this helps. Sometimes we over think how best to express ourselves, I think we should be able to say with pride that we love our parents xxx
  • Offline in reply to kathy 23

    Hi,

    I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Your words have been very helpful to me. I sat with him today and we talked about past times and a bit about how we felt. I was worried I couldn't do this, but the kind words on here helped and I could. I obviously feel sad about what is to come but glad that we can make sure we've not left how we feel unsaid.

    Thank you

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