Hi Leanne. Sorry you had a hard day, we will have days like that and very up and down.

When im asked how the funeral went I just say the best it could in the circumstances. Can't believe it's a week already. I'm feeling very tired as im not sleeping too well.

I'm keeping busy though and making sure mum is okay. I'm with her every day. 

You're right that we have to live and carry on as that's what my dad and your friend would want. My dad's grave isn't far from my best friends and my grans isn't too far either.

I'm taking wreaths up to the cemetery next week. That'll be hard as I've not been since the funeral.

How is your friends husband coping? Such a difficult time, esp as Christmas is approaching and everyone is in a party mood. But so many families wil feel alot of sadness on Christmas day. 

Hugs to you Leanne and thinking of you xx 

He has his ups and downs like all of us.  He's trying to keep busy,  if he could go out and dig the entire garden up I think he would for an excuse to do something and not think.  I had bought some plastic flowers from off ebay to make big bouquets for family graves,  I didn't think I'd be making a third one.... I told Paul I was doin the third for Karen so not to bother worrying about going to buy a wreath as this is going to be big and full of red roses.  He will put his name on it.  I don't mind,  she'l know I made it.  I don't want him getting upset buying a wreath for her. I sat and looked at the moon Wednesday it was at its lowest point again.  The last time it was,  was when I had as in the hospital and Karen told me the Dr's prognosis.  That's was Nov 14. A month to the day.  I can't believe it all.  Karen was cremated. I'm not close to her daughter so I don't know if her grave stone is ready and done.  I don't know about the ashes.  Paul will tell me about that.  At the moment I'm taking flowers to an empty space.  It don't matter I believe all our loved ones are spirit and no matter where you are in the world and where you lay your flowers they know.  It's hard now,  carrying on. We miss them so much.  Tomorrow I'm going to go for a walk.  I need it.  I'm putting my thick coat on n just having a walk out by the canal.  Your doing so well,  you might not think it Libbs but you am. Your looking after your mom.  Your dad would want that. Remember to give yourself space to,  to sort through your feelings.  Sleep... It will come.mine comes eventually out of sheer exhaustion.  You can try oil of lavender to naturally knock you out,  or something natural from the pharmacy. We are all going through the same thing Libbs,  take comfort in the fact that we are all holding each others hand and giving it a good squeeze and saying,  'Mate your so brave,  I'm so proud of you and it get easier just keep going'.  We can and will survive this.  We will carry on for them.  I miss Karen everyday and sometimes I feel I can't breath I'm so consumed with grief. But she would kick my *** if I let it get the better of me.  Your going to be OK Libbs,  we both are xx

Hi Leanne. How are you doing? I can't believe it's been nearly two months since my dad passed away. It feels like yesterday. I'm still sorting out things for my mum, life insurance etc, which all seems never ending. I've had to make endless phone calls and write letters. Have app's at the bank. All so emotionally stressful, but I have to do it for mum. 

I do have two sisters but they don't live here. One of them is over alot though as she doesn't work. But she doesn't help with any of the financial  stuff. All down to me.

I took mum to a panto in the new yr with my friend and her daughter. Trying to have some kind of normality. I've been doing okay but feel very agitated and upset quite alot. I still don't like going upstairs at mum and dads as that's where dad passed away and where I spent time with him when he became ill. 

Grief is such a rollercoaster isn't it? I went to Douglas Macmillan with mum and my son last week, to give them the donation from my dad's funeral. It was hard because my friend Christine passed away there and it brought all them memories flooding back again. 

How lovely that you made a wreath. It is a difficult thing to do, buying one/making one. Placing ours on dad's grave was difficult. I was worried about mum but she was okay.

Did you get through xmas and new yr okay? I found xmas day hard without my dad. Dad and mum came to mine for Xmas every year.  I stayed in at new year with no intention to celebrate.

I do hope you're doing okay, please keep in touch. Lots of love to you xx