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Devastated Dad may not make my wedding

Mousie
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Hi all,

i feel a sad at the moment my Dad is dying from bladder cancer and he has gone downhill rapidly in the last few weeks. I get married in two and a half weeks and it is his lifelong wish to walk me down the aisle. Sadly he is probably going to be too unwell and may not even make my wedding. I am truly devastated and don't know what to do. it looks like my wedding could be a very sad day rather than a happy occasion. I am an only child and am so close to my father.i have always been my daddy's little girl and now I am watching him suffer. It is so cruel. 

Thanks for reading. Everyone's in here seems so supportive. 

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    Hi Mousie

    I'm so sorry that you're going through this, when you should be so full of happiness in the run up to your wedding. 

    My dad also has terminal cancer and I'm worried he won't be alive to walk me down the aisle in 5 1/2 months time. We've considered moving our wedding but have actually decided to go ahead as planned and if necessary have a small civil ceremony in advance of the wedding if we don't think my Dad will be with us in May. My Dad wouldn't want us to compromise our wedding for his sake but I know he'd be happy to see me married, say my vows etc.

    I can't promise you that there won't be moments of sadness on your wedding day, that's testimony to how important your dad is to you. But I can promise you that your wedding will be a wonderful and happy occassion and it will not be completely overshadowed by your Dad's cancer. 

    Are there ways you can incorporate your Dad in to the day? Perhaps he could write a speech for someone else to read? Tie a small picture in a locket to your bouquet, photos in the venue etc. Is it possible for him to be with you when you get ready even if he can't make it to the wedding? If he's in hospital, can you stop in to see him on the way to the venue so he gets to see you in your dress? Could you live stream so he can watch...at least the ceremony? 

    I can completely sympathise none of these are what you have always wished for but for both of yours sakes, try to make the most of what you do have.

    Rachel x

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    Just a thought, but has your Dad seen you in your wedding dress? You could give him a preview, just in case he can't make it on the day? 

    Best wishes

    Dave

  • Offline in reply to RachelH
    hi Rachel thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I have asked him what he would like to say in a speech and to write a few words down for his brother to read out. i am getting ready at my parents house and hopefully he will be at home still so I will see him on the day and have photos with him. I'm sorry to hear about your father it is a hard thing to see them like this. I hope he makes your wedding day. Louise
  • Offline in reply to davek

    Thanks Dave that's a good idea I pick up my dress next week so I will do that. Thanks for your reply.

  • Offline
    Hi Mousie, I'm sorry, this is such a difficult situation. Me and my husband got married last year when my gran was dying of cancer, we made the decision and arranged everything quickly, for the earliest date possible. It was really touch and go, she declined so quickly after her diagnosis and we were worries she wouldn't make it but she managed to hang on. Her palliative care nurse even prescribed her a short course of steroid based meds (not sure which) the week running up to it so she would have a bit of strength. I'm not sure if that's an option for your your Dad but don't lose hope, I'm sure he's looking forward to the day and determination can do amazing things in the short term. You can't predict how you will feel if the worst happens but when I was worried my gran wouldn't make it I comforted myself with the idea that she was happy I was getting married and she saw my dress and knew all the plans and had felt involved. I also made back up plans in case she was not well enough to make it, I set up so I could face time my laptop and connect it to her TV so she could watch the ceremony live if need be, so maybe that's a possible plan B? xx

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