Cancer Research UK main site

Mum diagnosed with non curable lung cancer

Claire.alexandra
Offline

hello I am wondering if anyone can help me understand my feelings. I am an only child (31years old) my mum is not just my mum she is my best friend we do/go everywhere together. . I have 3 children all under the age of 5 and 3 months ago my mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (non smoker) she lost the strength in her hand which was diagnosed as carpel tunnel transpired to be a brain tumour (secondary) /!: the primary tumour was found in her lung. I am devestated she is my world. I am sad, angry, scared. When I am with her I am ok I tend to be her rock, the min I go home I get anxiety feeling and burst into tears all the time. How do you get through/ come to o terms? She had the brain tumour removed which was successful and rad therapy to the head and lung now as it is in her blood we have to wait for it to reappear which could be next week, month but will be within the year. Love to anyone else going through this it's a nightmare which will never be able to wake up from. X 

  • Offline

    Hi Clare

    You asked how we get through this. I think all of us have similarities to what we are going through both the the physical development of disease and how we react to it; and yet we all have different coping strategies. 

     

    I am involved with my partner's care management, I understand the uses of all 18 of her drugs and I advocate for her care, I ask probing questions to illicit improvements to her care plan. It's hard and I'm self critical when hrr care does not fully meet her needs  

    I am also very focussed on the things that are within my control  her taste buds continually change and so I make sure that there is always new foods to try to help her maintain her weight, I work hard to keep the house nice and have organised work being dontto improve it and most importantly we go out everyday and we have laughs together  

     

    I've had a few chats with the family support team at my local hospice but my plannto get help my feelings went awry as shortly after I started seeing them, my Mother-in-Law fell ill (Ovarian Cancer) and she dies within two months, just before Christmas last year  you might find reaching out for a similar service helps or chatting here or as in my case, getting rooms decorated and doing cleaning. I don't think there is one easy solution to coping but you will.  

     

  • Offline

    Hi Clare, 

    Sorry to hear about your mum. I can understand and sympathise with you. 

    I'm 27, with a 3 year old son and partner. My dad was diagnosed April last year (almost 19 months ago) with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver. We suspected at the time he may have cancer but we never thought it'd be serious or incurable. My dad's the head of the family he helps everyone in so many ways, he's got this sarcastic, funny personality that makes him stand out from the crowd. Things like this makes me sad because one day he won't be here and I'll never get to experience those things again with him. It hurts like hell, no matter what you say to people they never understand they might think they do but they don't unless they've been through the same or similar. How do all of us cope on here? Well we just do somehow, all in our own unique ways. I think you just go with how you feel rather than what you think you must do. I've had really low days full of tears, then other days I've felt happy and carrying on with life so to speak and then I'll have days where I feel completely numb to everything around me. The only advice I can give you is to express how you feel don't bottle it up, create memories with your mum, take plenty of photos and don't waste any time. Back when my dad was diagnosed it was very easy to just give up, mope about saying what's the point? But my dad's still going strong 19 months later that could have been 19 months wasted but it wasn't and we still carry on as best as we can and he's so positive he won't give up without a fight as he's got everything to live for. I turn to here when I need a chat because this is the one place where everyone actually knows how I feel. 

    Big hugs to you and your mum x 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.