Hi,

My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about 2 months ago. He's lost so much weight and can barley eat or drink anything. He's been in two hospitals since and not had much time at home. I have no idea how he is feeling as he hasn't said and when I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything he said no. I am finding this a really tough time and my emotions are all over the place. I feel resentment towards cancer, guilt, helplessness, angry, sad. I feel guilty for leaving the hospital and guilty when I go home and eat. The hospital don't seem to get a move on and I snapped at the doctors. I think he maybe too weak for chemo. I have to juggle work and visiting as I want to be with him all the time. It's so hard to see him go from my dad into a shadow of himself. I think about it all day and it's the last thing on my mind at night and the first thing I think of in the morning. I even dream about it. I have a wife who is very supportive to me and brothers and sisters but I live so close to him that I feel more responsibility to look after him. It's by far the toughest time of my life. I can't switch it off and I'm consumed by what might come. He's my dad and best mate.