I'm not ready to lose him

Hi, I'm new here. My boyfriend, who is sixteen years old whereas I'm 14, has stage 3 lung cancer and has had it for 2 years. He was diagnosed a little bit before we started dating. First, I'd like to say I know you will all say I'm young, but if you could look past that and try to be understanding with me and just give legitimate advice that'd be nice. 

2 days ago he told me that he had lung cancer, a 12% chance of living, and three months to live. Luckily, in a way, he was told that a year ago by the doctors, but he could still pass away earlier. I just cant seem to understand why something like this would happen to him of all people, he is the best person I know. He's the kindest, smartest person I know and yet things like this happen to good people instead of terrible people who could deserve this. Through the two years we've been dating he was so understanding whenever I'd talk about my problems and he still never told me I feel like I was so selfish. Even when I told him that I was sorry for being so selfish; he was still selfless enough to tell me "Babe its not your fault, you didn't know we all have our own problems that we have to try to cope with.". He's such a great guy and I'm not prepared to lose him I feel like I still sound selfish saying that, but I really dont wanna lose him. Any advice on how to prepare myself and how to help cheer him up whenever he does feel down about it? 

 

P.S. He moved to North Carolina a little while ago so we're also trying to keep it going long distance. 

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat Icantlosehim and thank you for sharing your story 

    Your boyfriend certainly is very young to be going through all this and having to see him deal with stage 3 lung cancer must be heartbreaking for you and his family. It must be even harder for you now he has moved to North Carolina and the long distance must be difficult to bear for you. We have some information here on how to talk to a friend or relative with cancer which may be helpful to you.

    I hope you will also get some good tips from some of our members on how to prepare yourself and how to be there for him during this difficult time. You seem to be already doing a great job at supporting him.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

  • Hi,

    I was very touched by your story and would like to thank you for sharing it with us. I dont have much advice for you I'm afraid but I have found that most cancer patients just want to try and keep some normality in their lives, otherwise they feel cancer has completely taken over. So please take that into consideration. The only other thing is to try and make as many happy memories as you can for they do help in the long term. I do so agree with you comments about cancer affeting the good people more then the bad ones.

    Sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, and pleaselet us know how your getting on,Brian.

  • Hello. I briefly dated a guy who was fighting lung cancer for the third time when I was in my late teens. We'd known each other at school and connected a few years after leaving. Our "relationship" didn't last long but we remained very good friends until his death several years later. I can still picture very clearly a particularly wonderful date in Stratford-upon-Avon bobbing along on a boat on the river on the most gloriously sunny day and then being driven home by him in his fab little open topped sports car. Things didn't work out - I don't remember why - but after, we'd regularly bump into each other in a local night club and always have a dance together. I went to see him a few weeks before he died when his cancer had returned with a vengeance and my biggest and most enduring regret in life was not going to see him one more time. So my advice to you would be this; live for the now, give yourself (and I don't mean physically), give your love and be fun, positive and uplifting around him. Make your time together special and savour every moment. Just enjoy each other and be everything you can be to one another. I've come onto this forum tonight because my husband, the love of my life, has been diagnosed with cancer. Believe me, I WILL be following my own advice.