I feel for you, my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer in June and although she's older, she just as precious and beautiful to me and even though I'm 54 I can't bear the thought of losing her. I'm trying to stay positive and help out as much as I can, being around, shopping, cooking, looking after my mum and dad has become a precious thing to do and helps me cope. I can't make her well but I can show her how much I love her. 

Her cancer has moved to her abdomen and liver - she's so brave. It's such a terrible time but you have to stay strong for your mum and show her your love ♥️

Hello Jade, 

I'm so so sorry about your mum's diagnosis of bowel cancer. I would just like to let you know that if you fancy a chat with someone in a very similar boat please feel free to message me. 

I sympathise so much with what you say because I know that feeling very well too. The pain is indescribable and earth shattering. Every time you wake up you hope and pray it was just a nightmare then you realise it's not and that pain hits you all over again. 

April last year (18 months ago) my dad went into hospital to get his CT scan and test results. We all assumed that it might be cancer as he'd been poorly a year previously but we thought he'd be fine but reality turned out to be very different. 'Stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to your lungs and liver' they told him and only palliative chemotherapy to prolong his life rather than cure him is what was offered. My dad deteoriated he'd lost around 5 stone in weight, no energy, no strength and constantly tired. Where's my daddy gone?...I would often say to myself. I just wanted him back, it was like a living nightmare that we couldn't escape from. July last year after suffering from stomach cramps over 3 days an ambulance was called and rushed him into hospital. His bowel had obstructed (the tumour had blocked his bowel) and if he didn't have an emergency operation straight away it would burst killing him. And there was always a high chance that he wouldn't make it out of surgery either. We as a family thought that he was going to die. But he didn't he made it out of surgery then contracted pneumonia which in itself is dangerous and life threatening. But he recovered from that too. Then in Feb this year the chemo PICC line was poorly fitted by a nurse and ended up causing a blood clot which then travelled up to his brain and my dad ended up having a stroke. But luckily once again he recovered from that. He's only just lost his hair a month ago and now his facial and body hair is starting to thin so he's now looking more like a typical cancer patient (no offence to anyone). We don't know what's going to happen to my Dad or when but we know that one day sooner than ever expected this cancer will take him. We try our best to stay upbeat for him, we don't give him false hope and we try not to treat him like the ill man he is. He's still my stubborn, funny dad and that's what I have to remind myself through all of this heartache. Creating memories has never been so important to us as a family. 

I do think about the things he may not be here for, like when I get married will he walk me down the aisle? Will he ever meet any more children I have? I have a little boy of 3 years already. I'm 27 and like you I never expected to face anything like this at my age and having to think about a future that he may not be a part of. I've been through such a roller coaster of emotions this past 18 months...upset, anger, bitterness, jealousy of others not having to deal with this pain, numbness at times. Things have got a bit more bearable but I guess over the past 18 months we've started to slowly accept the situation and process it all. 

Please never think you're alone. Big hugs x 

Hi Jade, I was wondering how things are? I've been reading your post from 2016 and was hoping things got better for you and your mum.

My mum also has stage 4 bowel cancer, with spread to liver and lungs.

I cry most night, unsure how to deal with the thought of loosing her. 

Lisa xx

I'm so sorry your poor mum is going through this and you have to watch it all happening. My mum has terminal pancreatic cancer and doctors have said she only has 3/4 months left with us. If you wish to talk and share what we are going through then please dont hesitate to get in contact.

Kind regards mhairi