Alone

How do you cope when everyone says you doing great looking after your partner of 25 years who was given 18 months  14 months ago when inside you are,screaming 

I feel I don't know how to talk about it as if I do will just break down and need to keep it together for my partner .

  • Hello dezza you took the first step in coming on this site it's so hard for anyone who going though this you not alone myself being on this site as helped me because everyone is feeling and going though it if it they self or family you say you don't know how to talk about this but it might help if you start by writing on here how you feel or you just want chat there always someone on here will give the time to answer not long I have joined I felt just like you I didn't know how to talk about my mother who got bowel cancer and its spread though here blood my mother haven got long to live I came on here because I felt I didn't have anyone to talk to.coming on here you have you take care 

     

     

     

     

  • Thank you Gemini39 

    So sorry to hear about your mum I lost my mum recently as hard as it was it wasn't through cancer 

    And she went peacefully.and pain free.

    I think that's what I'm finding hard with my partner also he is estranged from some of his family and I think they  should know and build bridges but he refuses .I worry it won't belong before it's to late   and  then what do I do  .

    My children are brilliant and very helpfully but I don't like to tell them to much Bout how I feel as they all work and have family's to take care of and I don't want to burden them. As I have always been strong and sorted things out so they all think I'm fine and copeing well but I'm not but its nice to be able to talk to someone and know I'm not alone as I thought thank you so much for replying .please give your mum a hug from me for having such  a special child who has made someone feel less isolated  within 24 hours thank you so much xx

  • So sorry you are in this position Dezza, most of us on here know what its like and it is probably the biggest trauma in your life.

    I hostly think the best help is to talk, you cant take all the pressure yourself.Your partner needs you strong and so first consideration is look after yourself. I would share with your children if they are adults, they would probably welcome that and be eager to help, I know my two girls wanted to know how I was and still do as I now live alone.(I lost my wife of 46 years in June).

    Its a difficult one with his family and there is no right or wrong answer. You know the situation best but if you think yhey would like to know, then I would tell them. Your partner possibly would be glad of that in the end, but you know best. You have to consider later, what will they think especially if there is still the wish to make up from them, and how you would feel. As I said, you know the situation best.

    Keep chatting on here, and share your thoughts. I find it helpful answering other post, I hope it helps others but it does help me too to come to terms with my saddness.

    Look after yourself.

  • Hello dezza just want to say thank you for you kind words hope you all ok my father bit like you he don't show how he feeling went to see my mother yesterday and the words my mother said to me you father quite today he not coping I just said we all not coping but we trying it's hard you don't know what to say or do for the best. With you to as well and as for you children they will pick up on things if you can just have chat with them it may help my father talks more to my partner and us if you can try and forcuse on now while you still can if you start worrying about everything you not going to enjoy the time you have.take care
  • Thank you so much I'm going to organise a time  with the children .I would like to thank you for all you done when I woke up this morning and read your message my first one I actually had a real good cry  and for the first time I felt I could get through the day and not Dred  thinking how am I going to get through today you were,right just chatting to you made,such a difference  Thank you so much  from the bottom of my heart for taking  time out from your own situation to help me  .x

  • Just read you post I'm so glad we all need to talk to someone if it just coming on here and writing what on you mind down. Hope you all be ok take care