hi everyone. I'm new to this site but thought I'd try it as I'm not coping well at all. I'm a single mum with 2 little girls aged 6 & 8. I have no siblings or close family around me and I work all gheours I can around school hours. my mum is all I have. she was diagnosed in Jan 2012 with cancer of the uterus. had a radical hysterectomy followed by chemo. in June 2015 we were told it had come back, around the wall of the stomach, incurable. she had chemo but was extremely ill, in and out of hospital, ambulances in the night etc. she had a bowel blockage. chemo finished and shrunk the tumour right down. she spent all of January in hospital, had a stoma/bag done. February ct scan was good, no spread but in June she had to start chemo again. 3 cycles went well, no real side effects/sickness and markers dropping dramatically. then problems...kidneys r not good so chemo couldn't go ahead. since then she had a line fitted as they couldn't get a cannula in, and blood transfusion last friday. scan showed no obstruction  to the kidneys. they decided to continue chemo but take off the cisplatin as that can affect the kidneys. today she went for another test on her kidneys and has been told chemo can't go ahead as planned on Monday and they need to see her in clinic. 

terrified the will no longer be able to do chemo because of her kidneys. anyone else come up against this? 

I'm completely done in by it all, drained emotionally and physically. I hate people telling me I'm strong. they don't see me at night. 24/7 surrounded by illness, knowing there's only one ending, is destroying me. I'm at breaking point. need to escape it and when I have had the odd day trip with the kids, to forget and be the mum they deserve, the guilt eats me up, because one day she won't be here. but when I'm around her, seeing the strain, destroys me that bit more and the constant talk of all her problems. I too have been diagnosed with depression but tablets don't help. I've tried various ones. I've cried so much lately....my kids shouldn't have to comfort me. feel helpless, rubbish selfish daughter and failure as a mum. and absolutely no one to turn to. sick of so called friends saying they're there for me. so much so I've given up trying. mcmallian support has been good, been twice now, and on their waiting list to see a counsellor. i sit in work crying. Just want to run from it all.

thanks for reading