Hello all,
I'm new to this site and if i'm honest, I'm fairly nervous about writing everything, but I guess I'm looking to chat to others who understand.
To give an understanding of mine and my Dads background. We lost my mum in 1988 to Breast Cancer. I was 6 years old and from that day on, my Dad raised me. We built such a strong relationship of father and daughter. I would go everywhere with him, days out, to work. I was and still am his world and he is everything to me. He met a lady and they were together for 24 years, but sadly separated in December 2015. They sold their home and Dad moved in with us (me, my husband and our little girl) temporarily. My step mum still keeps in contact.
Dad was tired all the time, but he kept saying to me that everything he had been through with the break up, the house being sold and being nearly 70 that it was just too much. Myself, my husband, our little girl of almost 2 now and my Dad went for a property together and that was also going through aswell. Buying and selling is stressful enough and this was Dads second move in 4 months.
In February this year my Dad had a fall, whilst staying with us. He slipped and knocked himself unconscious. We called an ambulance and he was taken into hospital to have a scan, which came back clear - he just had an awful lot of bruising to his face.
We moved into our home in April and after just two weeks, in May, whilst i was working from home, Dad started speaking differently and was unable to hold his cup. I thought he was having another stroke, which he has also suffered with on a number of occasions, so i called for an ambulance. Dad was rushed into hospital and was told he was having seizures from a bleed on the brain, which they suspect was from the fall. After just two days of being in hospital and various scans, the team took myself and my Dad into a room which is when we were told he had Cancer. I remember looking at his face and thinking 'Why?'. He has been through so much and it's just not fair. We broke down and hugged and all i kept saying to him was 'we will get through this'. Doctors and nurses in the ward were heartbroken as he went in with seizures, which are bad enough, but then to be told he had cancer too.
An Oncology consultant came to see Dad the next day who advised that Dad had Stage 4 Kidney Cancer, which had spread to his liver and lungs. He told Dad that he wanted to start him on treatment immediately. The consultant was so very positive and really lifted my Dad.
We got home and life changed. Since that time in hospital, i have seen my Dad in so many different frames of mind. As we all live together, we have been caring for Dad when he has been really sick.
For the last few months, i have had to call an ambulance out every 3 weeks. Dad has been taken straight in and diagnosed with infections. 3 times we were told they did not know where the infection was, but were treating with antibiotics regardless. Last Tuesday was the more recent time.
Myself and my husband got home from work on the Monday and Dad just didn't seem right. He said he had slept bad and felt exhausted. I took my little girl to nursery on the Tuesday morning and when i got home, Dad was in the same position as the night before and i was struggling to wake him. I called an ambulance and Palliative Care and he was referred straight onto a ward.
The last week has been heartbreaking. I have been taken into rooms by consultants, Macmillan, a sister of the ward and asked so many questions about Dads wishes and i knew they were trying to tell me something, but just not saying it. The way it was dealt with was not in the right way at all. I kept telling them that Dad will pull through and that this was the 4th infection, but I knew they didn't believe me.
My Dad bounced back by the Thursday and had everyone on the ward in shock. A couple of nurses in tears when they got into work too. He was smiling and chatting and was discharged yesterday.
Today, he won't stop crying. I stayed off work today so i could be here for him and we have spent most of the morning in the garden hugging and i have to say i'm scared and he said that to me, just not in so many words (always trying to protect my feelings, but i just want him to open up). I really am trying to be strong, but i know he is tired of feeling so unwell. The treatment is reducing the size of the cancer, but he is in hospital every 3 weeks and it knocks him right back, plus he is taken off of chemo for all of that time too, so that his body can recover.
It feels as though i have typed so much above, but it isn't even close to how much i could really talk about. It is terrifying and i feel so angry that so many people suffer with this. I love my Dad so much and it is truly breaking my heart to see him so sad and unwell. It is breaking his heart too and i just wish i could help and say the right things.
xx
