Hi all, 

I apologise for what will be a lengthy post. In November 2014 my mum was diagnosed with aggressive stage 4b endometrial cancer. She had a subtotal hysterectomy and in that December when we discussed chemo with the oncologist we were told that even if chemo was successful we were definitely looking at less than five years life expectancy. My mum had chemo in 2015 and then stayed stable for ten months before needing more chemo this year, during which she had neutropenic sepsis as well. My mum has scans every three months and the last one showed she was stable again but it will be time for another scan this month. 

I am her carer as she has other issues as well but she is also a lot of support for me, is my best friend and family wise I don't really have anyone else. I only have a few friends so don't have a large support network.  I live with her and have health issues myself and am already on medication for severe anxiety and on Monday will be having an assessment for eating disorder help as I have binge eating disorder. 

Lately I have reached the point where I am spending every day constantly anxious and scared. I won't be able to cope when she goes and I feel like it's a ticking time bomb. If she needs more chemo they can't use the same drugs as the last two rounds and I am scared they will say there is no more they can do.

I have broken down today in floods of tears whilst she is out. Lately I have noticed she is finding it harder to walk and is struggling with energy levels and I am terrified it has been stopped being stable again. 

I feel so alone and terrified and don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep coping. I feel I've only just really properly come to terms with the diagnosis even though it's been almost two years