I'm sorry about your mum, my mum has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that has spread and all I can say is what you describe is definitely normal. Originally we were told my mum had suspected ovarian cancer and like you, I spent hours googling everything I could. It then transpired the primary cancer was pancreatic and it had spread to the ovaries and elsewhere. I then started to google everything about pancreatic cancer but everything I was reading was not boding well, and I decided to stop. A couple of the things she was diagnosed with (which I only found about by letter that was sent to her, luckily after she was admitted to hospital so she didn't find out like that), I don't understand at all but have not googled either as it will probably just add to the anxiety etc. I was having such bad anxiety that I resorted to going to the Dr who prescribed Prozac. It has helped somewhat but it takes a while to fully kick in. This wasn't the route I wanted to go down but felt I really had no choice. Feeling the way you do is not selfish, don't feel that way, it's a perfectly normal emotional response. .