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My husband has terminal cancer

Wollybully
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I am his full time carer. He is 72 and I am 62. We have only been married 4 years after being together 14 yrs. Our life has changed. I am on sleeping tablets and am severely depressed. We were both younget at heart but my husband never wants to leave the house now only for hospital visits. I just feel so angry and depressed and crying when on my own all the time x x 

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    Don't worry it's just normal he doesn't want to leave the house. He still needs time to accept it i guess. What you need to do now is strengthen your faith with the lord. He will guide you, he will give you strength that you need to cope with this. There is always hope. Never lose hope, because once we lose it... it's the end. Try to be less depressed in front of him. He doesn't want you in pain as well.
  • Offline in reply to nuttcakesxx

    Hi nuttcakesxx

    read through your reply again to this distraught womans post. It offers no practical help whatsoever and is likely to make her even more depressed. She HAS lost hope and you are telling her "once you do so its the end!" Loving couples share all, including each others pain, so saying "try not to be less depressed in front of him" is not going to work. If you are unable to contibute anything positive please refrain. Kim 

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    Hi Wollybully

    Your husband may not feel like going out anywhere because of the terrible fatigue that cancer often brings. Do you have any family or friends who could help you out, maybe just getting out on your own for lunch with a friend could give you a temporary break from your care role and give you a bit of a boost. Your alternating emotions are understandable, I hope you have discussed depression with your GP as it is a treatable condition. I hope you can get the help you need for yourself so that you are then able to continue supporting your husband. Kim

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    Hi Wollybully, 

    My dad was just diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer, and he is only 63. Cancer is such a terrible disease. When I first found out I was angry, depressed and remember waking up with the heaviest feeling on my chest, almost as if I was going to die. These feelings will get a little easier to handle, but I would say it hasn't really gotten much easier. My dad was diagnosed at the beginning of July, and I still have those moments of wanting to cry or get angry. I don't think those feelings will ever go away, but as kimchoson said, it may be a good idea to check in with a doctor. I also have depression and anxiety and am taking medication, and I have realized that I need to be as healthy as I can be to take care of my dad to the best of my abilities. It's okay to cry, I still cry. I usually just take a few minutes for myself and just allow myself to cry and then I feel a little better.  

    I've also found that the people here on this site have been incredibly supportive towards me, and just knowing that there are others in a similar situation helps a little knowing that I am not alone.

    I'm sending my thoughts to you and your husband at this difficult time. 

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent

    Hi Wollybully, I'm in pretty much the same situation with my husband (very new to this admittedly)  my doctors have been absolutely brilliant, they have sat and listened when all I was talking was probably tonnes of drivel, I am on antideppresant medication, it doesn't stop the emotions, however it takes the edge off them. It sure is difficult to hold it together when all you want to do is rage against the world and everything in it. Chick if you need to cry then do it, a good cry clears the system. As Kim suggested even time out with a friend for coffee or a walk round the shops if only for an hour. I enjoy reading so my time is an half hour in the library just browsing, it charges my batteries for the rest of the day. Do you have family ? who if you didn't want to leave husband home alone who could sit with him for a short while ?  Talking is also a great release there are lovely people on here who are willing to listen and support you on your off days.

    Much love to you and yours  lesley x 

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    Hi So sorry for everything you are going through Believe me I know exactly how you are feeling I have just lost my husband last week. He wanted to go out but just didn't have the energy, Your life will change even more and it will be hard there's no easy way with cancer but there is support available if you need to vent or chat please message me. We only got married 2 weeks ago but have been together 25 years , Hubby 66 and i am 54 Phil was still working and out everyday with the dog and most weekend with friends It all stopped suddenly and like you i gave up work to care for him full time one bit of advise is to contact Macmillan and also the district nurses as soon I thought that this was done automatically through doctors or hospital but when i desperately needed help a few weeks ago they hadn't even heard of Phil once they became involved it was easier They have a holistic approach which includes supporting you as you are also suffering that is normal..They can also arrange for respite care it was a bit late for me but I did have someone come in one night and sit with Phil whilst I had a good soak in the bath...Respite can be for full day night or even a couple of hours so you can go out and get your hair done or meet friends and be you for a bit.....make sure you use the services available and also when you get visitors make the most of them just pop out for a quick walk or dye your hair have a bath etc you can always spend time talking on the phone if you have to so if someone is round and happy to stay and chat to hubby have a break go to neighbours for a coffee anything then it will help you feel less frustrated ...huge hugs to you both x
  • Offline in reply to caroleandphil

    Hi and thank you for your response. I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I really hope you have plenty of support round you. Will you be thinking of returning to work in the future. I would like to keep in touch with you if I may. Please look after yourself and know that you are not alone. Sending much love to you and your family x x 

  • Offline in reply to kimchoson

    Thank you so much Kim. Your response  was very comforting x x Trish 

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