I was a broken man yesterday when i was told by mistake my dad has had cancer for nearly a year now, it started in his throat and has now spread to both lungs.he is out in Australia where i was born and raised but have lived in the UK for 28 years now.

I am trying to understand what I can do for him , i am scared i am so far away from Australia , having been challenged myself with some pretty serious health issues , My father did not want to burden me.

Even if i wanted to go out there to see him now it isnt possible due to me being dependant on Disability here and it being unafordable.

It is hard to accept i may never see my dad again.And I am unsure how i will cope living with this reality and i now feel its my fault that i have not planned for my future and have not been able to put some money away for those times like this .

I am not money orientated at all but i wish i had thought about this when i had to stop work myself and make sure if this was to ever happen in my life i would not feel trapped as i do right now and have choices to fly back there to spend some quality time with him and to give my dad , my hero a hug and just be there for him.

i do feel i will be overridden with this guilt if anything were to happen in the coming days.

I spoke to him over the phone as i normally would but last night the call for me was poignant and even more special than ever, it was difficult to understand him when he spoke to me and i began to realise that even then while it was difficult to hear that croak in his voice it may soon be that he will be unable to communicate at all, and it is at this point i fear most that i am hopless and helpless to have that communication with him.

I am left in despair and can only ask God to protect him and not allow him to suffer for too long.

he told me that before things turn to bad he will be putting his 2 dogs and 2 cats to sleep as he adores his pets and could not bare them in thier old age to suffer any more that they have too.

he is a wonderful man and has been an awesome dad, he could not tell me as i too have had so many close shaves with my own mortaility over the past 4 years and it has always been my dad that I have turned too for support.

Without him being there for me I will feel so lost and am not sure how i will cope with him not being there.

Any advice would be warmly appreciated.

I did not know this forum was here until i googled searched the word father and cancer.

I feel somewhat like i am in the right place

PJ in Devon