My mum is still waiting to have her ovaries removed to confirm ovarian cancer for sure. The symptoms and blood tests would indicate it is ovarian cancer and is advanced, she has a CT scan Saturday to check for signs of cancer having spread (even tho they won't confirm cancer in the first place).
Every morning when I wake up (not that I sleep much) my first thought is 'cancer' and it's like finding out all over again that my mum likely has it and I feel anxious and worried to the extreme, which somewhat subsides as the day goes on, but then starts again the next day. I'm going to work and carrying on in that respect but I can't bring myself to go out and do things I'd normally do for fun. I feel its not right to be going out to the cinema or for a meal etc while my mum is feeling so ill and has a potential death sentence coming. All this without even being diagnosed yet, it will only get worse if, as is highly likely, she is diagnosed.
I'm sure its normal to feel this way, so how do you get past it and feel OK to be doing things you normally do for fun and not feel guilty about it? I have a holiday in October, booked a year ago, but feel I should cancel it. I can't see myself having a good time while worrying so much, and she should have her operation soon so I should be around to help her at home. On the flip side if it were the other way around I'd be telling my mum not to worry and to go and have a good holiday and I know she'd say the same. But how do you just carry on as normal when you feel so worried, guilty and churned up inside?
