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A question from my terminally sick friend....

Nat70
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Hi, I'm new to this forum and need to find an answer to a question my terminally sick friend has asked me!  

My friend is 52 and has secondary breast cancer which has gone into her bones, she has been told the cancer will take her but they will do their best to maintain it.  She doesn't have a partner or children and has moved in with her parents who are both aged 85, however her mother has dementia and cataracts in both eyes and going blind. My friend and her dad care for mum but now my friend is worried who will look after her when when the cancer has gone too far for her to look after herself.  She has decided that she will have her last days in the hospice but where will she get the assistance she needs when she can't look after herself any longer?   

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

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    Hi

    I am not sure where your friend lives but if in the UK then she probably has been or will be assigned a specialist nurse and/or be offered palliative care nurse who will be able to monitor her needs as and when they change. First point of contact is generally the GP and/orhospital consultat.When I needed help with my terminally ill husband (a three year journey) it was initially the hospital consultant who answered our questions and addressed my fears as my husband wished to be looked after at home.  In our case it was the community nurses attached to the GP surgery who came out regularly and offered both emotional and  practical support.  If your friends expresses her wish to be able to go into a hospice then it may again be best to talk this through with her  GP  so they are aware of her wishes.Very often you can attend the hospice as an outpatient for support as well as an inpatient to help with pain relief etc.  I do hope your friend can obtain the care that she would prefer.  Jules54

  • Offline in reply to jules54
    Thanks Jules, my friend does live in the uk. It was her counsellor at the hospice who asked her the question, she knows that when the end is imminent that she will go to the hospice but what will happen when she starts to deteriorate and can't look after herself. Is it possible to get a nurse to live with her (at a price!)???
  • Offline in reply to Nat70

    Hi

    Sorry for the late response but have been away with my children/grandchildren and was 'technology free'!

    I am glad your friend has contact/support from the hospice counsellor. Ishould think that a chat with her GP would be the easiest route as regards private nursing care should this be what she wishes and yes at a price you can have live in carers (a gentleman who lives across the road from me did not wish to go into a nursing home (another option) and social services put him in touch with live in carers (the local council will help with some of the fees/attendance allowance etc depending on personal financial circumstances).  Also should be able to get some information from either McMillan Nurses/Marie Curie and local Social Services.

    Hope you are keeping okay yourself as know it is not easy for family and friends either.  Take car.Jules

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