Hi all I'm new to this, but having read the stories posted on here I decided I would write (through tears in my eyes) and ask for some advice. My mum (80) was diagnoised just before christmas last year with Stage 3b Lung Cancer (lymph nodes and lung), we decided not to tell our 3 children until the new year when her radiotherpy was to start.

That was a struggle to get through Christmas and New year !! The children took it well, the radiotherapy took place and scan results showed that the cancer had stopped growing and shrunk a little. She lives at home alone but was finding this a little isolated so we set up a room in our house for her, so she comes for 3-4 nights aweek. This is fine but I'm struggling with her being able to go out for a cigarette (she hasn't been told to give up by a professional, although I have nagged over many years!!) but she wont make the effort to eat much or help herself to drinks. Am i being harsh?

She tells us she will get through it, but I'm not sure she really understands that she isn't going to get better. She has suffered depression and anxiety since teenage years, which has over those years triggered "funny tummy", these have stopped her doing quite a lot and even now with little or no food she still suffers.She tells me she is in pain in her tummy, (she has had CT and endoscopy and all is ok nothing sinster) having spent May Bank holiday in hospital due to pain in tummy showed nothing. I have tried to encourage her to eat or even tell me the things she would like to have, but there is nothing. She barely eats, her spell in hospital she was placed on nutritional supplement drinks, she has lost a lot of weight .

We have tried to get this balance of pain under control, moving from Oramorph to tablet form 12 hour release. I find it hard that every thime I speak to her she tells me the pain she is in, but there is nothing I can do, she tells me that "she wants to be out of this" then tells me "she's going to get through it". I have spent a few nights getting up to see to her as she has had a really bad cough that was treated with by antibotics, the chesty cough has gone but the hacking cough is still there.

She spends some days sleeping and other days she will get up but just sleep or doze on the sofa. 

I seem to be grieving as I go, one moment fine the next not so. I really dont want to become the carer as I'm the daughter, I wish I could take the pain away and try to help her be happy. She goes to hospice once a week and we are in touch with them regularly. I feel bad when my mum goes back home, but know by having her at mine for all week would be too much, we have visited care homes but she is not really interested.

I suppose I'm trying to help her but i'm not sure what I can do. If i sit and talk to her she changes the subjects or is short with me and this makes me sad. Sorry to rant I'm not sure what I'm trying to ask, but if any one comes back at least i'll know someone has read it!

Look forward to hearing from anyone with advice.

Thanks for reading

S