Hello Vickkirst,

A warm welcome to our forum and I hope you will soon get chatting here to others who have been through this difficult situation and that you can find the support you need from others here who can really understand what you are going through at the moment. I am so sorry to hear your mum is bed bound and in pain at the moment. This must be very distressing for you and I hope they can alleviate her pain soon. Running two homes at the same time sounds like a real nightmare and it is normal that you are feeling a little bit drained by all the responsibilities you have. If you feel that antidepressants aren't for you, perhaps you could go back to the doctor's and ask to talk to someone or see if there is any other kind of treatment available to make you feel better? 

It's great you are talking to your husband and I hope he is being supportive during this difficult time. If you experience these dark thoughts often and wanted to talk to someone else, you can also ring Samaritans. You can find details on how to get in touch with them here. It sometimes helps to talk to someone from outside and this is why this forum can be very helpful. You can speak to others here you have never met and may never meet but who are going through a similar experience or went through this in the past and have come through it and it can really help to feel a little less alone.

I hope you are feeling a little better today.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator