Hi Rosie

its good to hear from you...I've been thinking about you and your family.  It's good that find this forum a good place to sound off when you need to.  Don't be afraid to cry, I find when I try to hold everything back it makes me feel terrible inside.  Crying for me is almost cathartic, I cry all my feelings out and then I feel strong enough to carry on.  It's the worst thing ever to watch a loved one deteriorate before our eyes day by day. I don't know how we cope, but we do somehow.  We don't really have any other choice do we.  I can remember going outside and just screaming as loud as I could,  all my anger and frustration was poured into that scream.  Must have frightened my poor neighbours lol.  I have cared for my best friend till the end she passed five years ago with secondary breast cancerand then my lovely nan who passed 13 March this year. with secondary  liver cancer.  My dad has prostate cancer.. we are waiting for the biopsy results of a second Tumor they discovered during an MRI .  Do you have a close friend to support you, I do hope so. If not their is lots of support for you here, we understand.  Sending you hugs x

Hello

Mum is getting worse day by day. She's always saying that she wants to get up, it's very difficult to have to explain to her that she can't because she gets so upset. The nurses were in today and one of them said to me "You do realise how ill your mum is, it's only a matter of days" and I said "Yes, of course I know how unwell she is". I didn't like hearing it. I'm scared of seeing her die. I don't really know what to expect. I know now that it's all depending on how long her heart will hold out for. I do have an older sister but we don't talk about mum being ill. My work colleagues have been very supportive. (I've been signed off work for 3 weeks). I don't know why I struggle to cry in front of people. I cry so easily on my own. 

Thank you

Rosie x

Rosie I am so sorry.. It's alright to be scared, we all are.  Do you like to spend time with your mum?? If you do put some music you find soothing on low  make your mum as comfortable as is possible.  If she like to sit upright but is not able maybe try some extra pillows that raise her enough to relax her.  Get yourself a comfy chair and a soft cushion put your head back close your eyes and think of your favourite moments.  No one knows the precise time a loved one will pass.  We were told on several occasions that my lovely nan would pass, I would try to prepare myself only to find she would rally around. She had an amazing inner strength.  I did find comfort just sitting with her, she was very sleepy all the time and like your mum she was unable to eat or drink.  The day nan passed we were not expecting it to happen.  I had got myself a coffee had a chat with my mum and dad made my little boy a drink and told him. I was just popping upstairs to see nanny.  I made myself comfortable and just watched my nan sleeping thinking to myself how peaceful she looked.  I was watching the rise and fall of her chest thinking how delicate she was, I got up and knelt by her to hold her hand in that tiny moment she passed.  No fuss, she just slipped away quietly. Had I realised it was happening I would have shouted my dad to be with her.  I can't express enough how peaceful it was.  Now for the practical advice,  when your lovely mum passes it will be a shock, we are expecting it to happen but it still hits us hard it's helpful as a family to have contact numbers for the various people who need to be informed.  When your in the midst of loss trying to find information on what to do is just too much to bear.  My dad has a folder in his wardrobe, he has listed all the contact numbers in the event of his death.  It's important to him that my mum and I know what we need to do.  It's called things to be done when a loved one has passed.  I found it many many years ago and was horrified.  My dad has had several strokes and heart attacks he had asked me to get some paperwork out. it was important to him we weren't left adrift without him.  You might find it comforting to talk about what's happening with your sister.  Sometimes neither one talks to the other for fear of upsetting the other.  You could both be fearing the same thing and be able to comfort one another.  Try to reach out to each other.  My brothers and I are close, we talk (and fight) with each other lol but we are strong together.  I'm the eldest but the smallest and there is always two strong pairs of arms around me when I need them.  I will do my very best to answer any questions you have as honestly as I can.  I am not a professional just a girl like you (albeit slightly older) who has been in a similar situation. I can only relay my story of how I tried my very best to cope.  

Sleep well Rosie 

Hi Rosie,

I am so sorry to hear of your lovely Mum's passing - thinking of you. X 

Hi Rosie, 

On behalf of the Cancer Chat team I just wanted to offer our condolences to you and your family on the passing of your mother.

Our thoughts are with you at this time and our community are here for you if you need us.

Kind Regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Rosie

i am so sorry I have only just picked up your message  My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.  Don't dwell on the fact you were not present when she passed, your mum knew you were with her all the way.  It's a strange time when a loved one passes with cancer, I felt relief that my friend and my nan were no longer having to fight,  and then desperately sad and not sure what to do with myself wanting them back.    I have no doubt you brought your lovely mum great comfort and I bet she was so proud of you passing your driving test.  Well done you, don't be a stranger if you need support everyone is here.  

Sending you a big hug xx

Hi Rosie, I am so sorry about your Mum and sadly i know how hard it is to have not been able to be there at the end, I was not with my mum when she died completely unexpectedly. My thoughts are with you and your family x